After I Could Hear Objects Speak, I Slapped My Awful Roommates

On the first day of school, I gave each of my roommates a welcome gift worth more than ten thousand dollars apiece. My three new roommates crowded around me, calling me "Baby Juliana" with every other breath. Rachel Fox, the financial aid student, touched the Van Cleef & Arpels pendant at her throat, her eyes going red. "Juliana, you're too good to me." Virginia Whitney, the small-town overachiever, cradled her full set of Helena Rubinstein and said all the polite things. "This is way too expensive. I feel bad even taking it."