Chapter 3

After I hung up, I lay on my bed in a daze until morning.

The next day was Saturday, so there was no orientation drill.

I sat on my dorm bed and waited through the whole day.

Not one call, not one text from Victor. The only message I got was Mom asking whether I'd made up with him yet.

By evening, my roommates said we should all go out to dinner to celebrate for me.

But at the restaurant we ran into Victor.

His whole group had just come out of a bar.

Kirsten was drunk out of her mind, babbling, "Victor, you used to take baths with me when we were little, both of us bare-butt naked."

"You mess with me, and I'll tell everyone about that mole on your butt."

Victor laughed and hooked an arm around her waist, letting her lean into him.

He moved gently, like he was afraid of hurting her.

"I wouldn't dare."

Kirsten pretended to squirm away, but she only pressed in closer.

"Then let me test you."

"If Kitty and I fell into a river at the same time, who would you save first?"

Victor's voice softened, indulgent.

"You, of course."

The others gave a knowing "ooooh" and started to laugh among themselves.

"Anyone can see how good these two lovebirds are together. Please, spare us the PDA."

"Without Kitty tagging along like a shadow, you two are actually sweet. This is too good to ship."

Victor didn't correct them.

Kirsten smiled sweetly but waved a hand. "Don't talk nonsense, we're just buddies."

Watching them, my chopsticks slipped from my fingers onto the table, and the splash of oil hit the back of my hand.

A sharp, stinging pain shot through me, but I wasn't in the mood to care about the burn.

The noise at our table drew their eyes to me.

I clamped a hand over mine and dropped my head, mortified.

Victor still saw me anyway.

He came over to me, his gaze grazing the back of my hand, and finally, frowning, he asked,

"What are you doing out fooling around this late?"

My eyes went hot in that instant, and I forced out a few words.

"Today's my birthday."

He froze, as if he'd only just remembered, and took a plastic bag with a cake in it from a classmate's hand.

He held the plastic bag out to me.

"Happy birthday."

That classmate asked, "Isn't this the cake you bought to sober Kirsten up, the leftover one?"

Someone off to the side snickered.

Victor's face turned a little stiff.

He grabbed a chair and sat down to join our table.

"Kirsten had no appetite, so she didn't eat it. Take it for now, I'll get you a proper present later."

Kirsten plopped down in the chair beside him.

"It's all my fault. This morning I'm the one who dragged Victor and the guys out to have fun, that's why he forgot your birthday."

Then she leaned against Victor again and said breezily,

"We're close, so we don't bother with this kind of thing. Don't be mad, okay?"

Victor smiled and smoothed the hem of her skirt. "You and your big mouth."

"Kitty wouldn't get upset over something this small, right?"

He lifted his eyes to me, like he was pushing me to say yes the way I always had.

I looked into his eyes and thought of Kirsten's birthday last year.

A whole month ahead, Victor had pulled strings to book a table at the best restaurant in town.

He'd even dragged me along to pick out her present.

Yet he couldn't even remember my birthday.

This time I didn't nod the way he expected.

I ate through the meal in silence.

By the time dinner was over, it was already one in the morning.

Kirsten, hiccuping from the drink, slumped against Victor.

He scooped her up sideways and turned to us. "It's too late. I'm taking Kirsten home."

Suggestive laughter rippled around the table.

Someone egged him on. "Go on, Victor. You and your girl get some rest, early night."

I stood there, my whole body rigid.

Victor turned to look at me again. His eyes lingered on me for a second, hesitating.

He'd just opened his mouth when Kirsten cut him off.

She reached up and locked her arms around his neck, then, woozy, wriggled like she was trying to get down.

Still hollering, "It's fine, put your daddy down, hurry up. I'm not like some people who can't live without a man."

"I'll just grab a shared bike and find a motel, you go take care of Kitty."

Victor frowned and held her tighter.

"Stop it. I'm taking you."

And with that, he carried Kirsten off in a hurry, without another glance at me.

Just as my roommate was asking if I wanted to crash at her place for the night, I got a text from Victor.

He said, wait for me, I'll come back and take you home in a bit.

So I shook my head at my roommate and turned down her kindness.

I wanted to sit down and really talk things through with Victor.

I stood in the dark and waited a long time, until every shop around had closed and still Victor hadn't come.

The kind restaurant owner, locking up, asked if I needed any help.

I hesitated, then shook my head again.

Some things have to be said to someone's face. If he'd chosen Kirsten, I would let go.

But what came instead was a homeless man reeking of alcohol.

He came weaving toward me, and before I could dodge, he collided with me.

He reached out with a filthy hand and grabbed me, baring his big yellow teeth in a grin.

"Throwing yourself right into my arms, huh, you little slut."

The stench off him made me want to gag, and I started fighting with everything I had.

He raised a hand and slapped me, annoyed.

"Hold still. Standing out here all alone this late, aren't you waiting for some lover boy?"

"He dumped you and never showed, didn't he? It's fine, you've still got me."

In the chaos, he yanked the buttons of my shirt open.

I threw a hand up over my chest and kicked hard at him, low.

The moment he flinched in pain and let go, I bolted toward the nearest police station.

But he chased after me, relentless.

Gritting my teeth, I ran and pulled out my phone to call for help.

My fingers instinctively dialed Victor's number.

The phone rang for a long time before it finally connected.

Cradling the phone, I felt nothing but a bottomless flood of hurt.

"Come save me, hurry. There's a homeless man attacking me."

Victor paused first, then his voice dropped a little.

"Wait for me."

The tears spilled from my eyes before I could stop them.

I stumbled all the way to the police station and reported it.

After I finished giving my statement, I got a message from Victor.

"Kirsten threw up again. I can't just leave her."

"Nothing serious can happen around campus. Go wait it out at the police station yourself."

"Be good, don't make a fuss. I'll make it up to you with a present tomorrow."

I tried calling him, but the line never went through.

On that late-summer night, wind poured in through the torn front of my shirt.

My body wouldn't stop shaking.

I raised a hand to my face and only then realized it was already covered in tears.

The day after my birthday, Victor taught me a lesson.

I finally understood. He could do so much for Kirsten, but he would give up nothing for me.

Between me and Kirsten, I would only ever be the one left behind.

Then I choose to walk away.

I opened my phone and sent my academic advisor an application for a campus transfer slot, then pulled up the chat with Victor and typed two words: We're done.