Chapter 1

1: 1

Covering a coworker's shift, I ended up treating the patient who walked in—my own boyfriend.

His chart showed that this year alone, he'd registered at the clinic a hundred times for cat-fur allergies and been rushed to the emergency room thirty-eight of them.

I dropped my voice and pressed him. "Don't you know you have severe asthma? Too much exposure to cat fur could kill you."

He didn't recognize me behind the mask. He only smiled and explained.

"There's nothing I can do. My girlfriend's depression is so bad, keeping a cat is the only thing that lifts her mood."

"She hasn't been well lately, so I've had to take care of the cat myself."

"If it makes her smile a little more, a little suffering on my part is nothing."

I froze.

Because of his allergy, I had once given away with my own hands the cat I'd raised for ten years.

So this girlfriend of his—who was she?

...

The tears came before I could stop them.

I forced my head down and pulled my mask higher.

But Martin Henson caught the whole slip anyway.

"Doctor... are you all right?"

I'd been up all night doing surgery and training the interns, so my voice was already hoarse. Martin didn't recognize it.

I waved him off quickly.

"It's nothing... it's just... I was just moved by your love story."

"Mr. Henson... you really are a good man."

Martin scratched at his face, swollen from the allergy until it looked puffed up like a balloon.

But the smile in his eyes stayed just as bright.

"A man should give in to his partner more, that's all. Life isn't easy for a girl, so of course you spoil her."

But when we'd first talked about moving in together, that wasn't what Martin had said.

Over the two cats I kept, we'd had a vicious fight.

"Barbara Gilbert! You just don't love me! In your heart those two cats matter more than my life!"

"I love you, I can give in for you—but not the cats! The cats put my life at risk!"

Back then his allergy only triggered rhinitis, nowhere near as bad as it was now.

But for his health, and to be with him sooner.

I gave away the cats I'd raised for ten years all the same.

Casey and Morgan had been with me since I graduated.

I'll never forget the pitiful look in their eyes and their low, wailing cries as they were loaded into the airline carriers.

Martin had been touched at the time, but all he did was hold me and comfort me for a little while.

"My baby has given up so much for me."

"I didn't pick the wrong person. Lovers are supposed to give and yield to each other."

Back then I believed that too.

But only now do I understand—so it turned out his real love was the kind that could endure anything for someone.

Something seemed to open up in Martin.

"Actually, Doctor, since you're a woman too—there's a lot of things I don't know who to ask about."

"I wanted to ask, what makes a girl feel better? For an illness of the mind like this, besides patient company and taking her medication, what else can I do?"

My voice caught.

"How about... you tell me your story?"

The Martin who was so cold and distant with me now talked on like water spilling over a bank.

From what he described, I pieced together who his "girlfriend" was.

His girl next door, his childhood sweetheart. Lois Mason.

But when he was with me, all he ever did was talk about how much he couldn't stand Lois.

"That awful woman—when we were kids she developed faster than me and used it to bully me, like some tomboy."

"Now she's grown, and she's come down with some precious little case of depression. Hah. Serves her right. Threatening to die on everyone all day long. It's honestly disgusting."

"That's exactly the kind of woman I hate most. Barbara, an independent woman like you is so much better."

Swallowing it down again and again, I dredged up every scrap of professional ethics I had and told Martin a great deal about what to watch for with depression patients.

Martin nodded and nodded.

"Thank you, Doctor. I understand now. It really does take a woman to understand a woman."

The truth was, I'd gone numb all over.

Then, all at once, Martin reached out toward me.

"Doctor, actually—your voice, and your eyes, they're a little like my girlfriend's."