Chapter 1

My husband has had skin-contact dependency since he was a boy. Three years into our marriage, wherever I went, he followed.

But in the third month of my pregnancy, he suddenly said, with disgust,

"Lucretia Chavez, why do you smell like sour milk?"

After that day, he stopped following me, stopped clinging to me.

I thought his dependency had finally healed.

Then, on the holiday, his childhood friend came to visit, and right in front of me my husband held her and nuzzled against her.

My face went cold at once. "Duane Swanson, what is this supposed to mean?"

He didn't even look up. His hand stayed around her waist and gave it a squeeze.

"My condition's acting up. I'm just treating it."

She flushed, but she didn't pull away.

"Lucretia, the doctor said when Duane's condition flares up we have to go along with it. You can't provoke him."

My mother-in-law came out of the kitchen carrying a dish.

"It's just a hug. It's for his treatment. Look how petty you're being."

I stood at the entryway, cold all over.

My belly cramped faintly, and I felt exactly like a joke.

It had never occurred to me that he would use treatment as his excuse to cheat, right in front of me, in the open.

I took a deep breath, walked into the living room, pulled out a chair, and sat down.

I kept my voice level. "Tomorrow's prenatal checkup. I'm not going."

...

At my words, my mother-in-law slammed the dish onto the table.

"I told you, Duane's doing this to get better. What are you making a scene for?"

"It's a holiday today. Don't go spoiling everyone's mood."

She stared at my belly. "I don't care if you like to throw fits."

"But you're carrying my grandson. Don't you go and lose my grandson over your temper."

Sitting there in the chair, listening to her, I found it almost funny.

My husband was holding and pawing at another woman in front of me, and she was blaming me for losing my temper?

I took a deep breath and turned my head to look at the man with his face buried against Cheryl Shelton's neck.

"How long have you two been carrying on together?"

Duane frowned, displeased. "Carrying on? Do you have to make it sound so ugly?"

Cheryl, eyes red, gave Duane a push.

It was gentle, just for show.

"Duane, stop holding me. Lucretia's getting the wrong idea, she'll be upset."

Then she looked at me, timid. "Duane's condition flared up a month ago. The doctor said we have to go along with it. I can't help it either."

My fingers went still. A month ago?

That was exactly when the baby's condition was unstable.

That month he came home late every night, and when I asked, he'd say he had work dinners.

So this was what he'd been busy with.

Seeing something off in my face, Duane tried to patch things over.

"Lucretia, I really can't control myself."

"I want to cling to you like before, I do, but the sour milk smell on you is so strong now it makes me want to throw up."

Even as he said it, his hand didn't leave Cheryl.

I stared at that hand and drifted.

I used to love holding his hand more than anything. It was big, and holding it made me feel safe.

But now.

Now all I felt was that faint cramp in my belly, my stomach churning until I nearly retched.

My mother-in-law kept setting out dishes, waving the two of them to eat.

"It's the holiday, we hardly ever get together. Stop dragging your feet, let's all sit down for a family dinner."

Fighting down the sickness, I set down my chopsticks and stood.

"I'm not eating."

Unhappy, my mother-in-law threw down her chopsticks.

"It's a holiday and you're pulling a face for who to see? Eat or don't, suit yourself."

Cheryl hurried to soothe her. "Auntie, don't blame Lucretia. I hear pregnant women just get unreasonable like this."

My mother-in-law's face softened with relief, and she laid her hand over the back of Cheryl's.

"If only Duane had married you back then."

Watching the two of them play off each other, I grew colder inside.

Duane never once said a word for me.

"Is that so? Then why did you agree to let me marry him in the first place?"

I said it in a cold voice, and my mother-in-law answered offhandedly, "If he hadn't gotten sick, I'd never have agreed to the two of you being together."

Three years ago, the first time we met, Duane said it was love at first sight.

A month later we made it official, and he was always pressed close to me. To everyone else, we were the couple who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

So he'd only been with me because I was his medicine.

Now the medicine had worn off, and he'd gone and found a new treatment.

I didn't say anything more.

I turned and went back to the bedroom, and when I woke again it was the middle of the night.

The bed beside me was the same as always, not a trace of anyone, not a hint of warmth.

For a whole month I'd slept alone in the master bedroom.

But I hadn't expected that, passing the second bedroom, I would see Cheryl and Duane sleeping in the same bed.

I looked down at the slight swell of my belly and let out one soundless, self-mocking laugh.

I took out my phone, made up my mind, and booked next Monday's appointment to end the pregnancy.