Chapter 4

In the middle of the night, Lily woke up briefly. I put on a sterile gown and went in to see her.

An oxygen mask covered half her little face. Every rise and fall of her chest looked like an exhausting battle.

Seeing me walk in, she tried her best to curl her eyes into a smile.

"Mommy... I didn't cry today."

The tears I had been holding back nearly spilled over.

"My Lily is the bravest girl in the world."

She lifted her bruised, tiny hand.

"When they poked me with the needles, I counted to a hundred."

"Daddy told me before... if I count to a hundred, he’ll be here."

I tucked the blanket around her shoulders.

"Yes, baby. Daddy will be here very soon."

Lily blinked slowly, her voice barely a whisper.

"Mommy... is the new kidney gone?"

A five-year-old child had already guessed the truth from the pitying, evasive glances of the doctors and nurses.

I held her hand tightly.

"Mommy will find a way. I promise."

Lily shook her head slightly.

"Grandma said everyone has an angel's calendar, and maybe my time is just five years."

The words hit my chest like a sledgehammer. I leaned down and wrapped my arms around her.

"No, that's not true. Mommy won't allow it."

She gasped softly against my shoulder.

"I’m not scared of dying, Mommy... but please don't cry."

"After I die, you can just have another healthy baby, okay?"

My tears soaked into her pillow.

Because of the complications from my kidney donation eight years ago, I had long lost the ability to carry another child.

But Lily didn't know that.

She genuinely thought that if she died, another baby could take her place and keep me company.

Leaving the ICU, I went straight to the office of Dr. Jonathan Sterling.

He was the surgeon who had performed the transplant eight years ago, putting my left kidney into Julian’s body.

I slammed the compatibility report onto his desk.

"I want to give my right kidney to Lily."

Dr. Sterling’s face turned pale.

"Clara, you will not survive the surgery!"

I stared at him calmly.

"How long does Lily have?"

Dr. Sterling choked on his words and looked away.

"At the rate her heart is failing... less than forty-eight hours."

"And when is the next matching kidney coming?" I asked.

He fell silent.

I pushed the consent form toward him.

"Then use mine."

Dr. Sterling grabbed the paper and ripped it to shreds.

"I am a doctor, Clara, not an executioner!"

"I’ve regretted performing that surgery on you eight years ago every single day of my life."

"You had massive internal bleeding and went into cardiac arrest twice. And what did Julian do? The moment he woke up, he was comforting Hailey in his ward!"

"And now you want to throw your life away for his mistake?"

I knelt down, picking up the torn pieces of paper one by one.

"Julian isn't worth it. But Lily is."

Dr. Sterling’s eyes turned red.

"If you die, what happens to her?"

I let out a soft, gentle smile.

"She will live. As long as she's alive, she has a future."

Dr. Sterling’s hands trembled violently.

"Even if the surgery succeeds, you could die on the table from blood loss, heart failure, or post-op infection."

"If Lily finds out the truth later, she will live with that guilt for the rest of her life."

My voice cracked.

"Then don't let her know."

"Tell her... Mommy had to go to a very beautiful, far-away place."

The office fell into a long, suffocating silence.

Dr. Sterling slowly turned his back to me, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

At two in the morning, he handed me a new set of surgical consent forms.

I signed my name clearly on the dotted line.

After signing the last page, I took out my phone and recorded a video for Lily.

When the camera turned on, I forced the brightest, most cheerful smile I could muster.

"Hi, Lily. When you watch this video, Mommy might not be by your side anymore."

"It’s not because Mommy doesn't want you. It’s because Mommy loves you so, so much."

"When you came out of my belly, Mommy gave you your first life."

"This time, Mommy is just giving you your second one."

Near the end, the tears finally broke through.

"Make sure to eat your meals, and study hard at school."

"If people love you, that's wonderful. But if no one does, don't be afraid."

"Mommy wants you to grow up and learn to love yourself first."

Just as the video saved, my phone buzzed with a Snapchat video from Julian.

In the background, Hailey’s giggles echoed.

"Lily, look! Daddy recorded the snow for you."

"When Daddy gets back, I’ll throw you another big birthday party."

I didn't reply.