Chapter 2

I stood frozen where I was, my gaze crawling over the room inch by inch.

In the vase on the dining table were balloon flowers, Mia's favorite.

The little chalkboard in the kitchen was crammed full with the dishes she liked.

The bare stretch of wall on the balcony held every photo of them, from grade school all the way to their college graduation.

The sticky notes packed thick across the entryway were their handwritten conversations.

Every date scrawled in the bottom right corner lined up with these four years.

The night I was saved from killing myself and finally slept. The days the pills left me sick with side effects. Or the times he used work as an excuse and slipped away while she wrote her code.

In Nat's handwriting there was love he couldn't hide, and regret, all of it frantic.

In Mia's handwriting there was nothing but coaxing, restraint, and pain.

In all those scattered stretches of time when they were "taking care" of me, this was how they poured out their love to each other.

A sharp sting spread out from my chest, and in an instant a bitter ache flooded every limb, every bone.

Everything from these years surfaced slowly in my mind.

The only reason Nat and I ever met was Mia.

My first year of college, there was a string of violent assaults in the city.

The attacker struck again and again, and he only went after women with long hair.

My mother was gravely ill back then. To ease the burden, I cut off the long hair I'd grown out for years and went to work part-time jobs.

One rainy night, the drains on the main road were backed up, and my rented scooter couldn't be driven through standing water, so I took a detour back to campus.

The moment I turned into the alley, I saw a man in black with his hands clamped on Mia's legs.

She was crying, begging, and it only seemed to excite him more.

I didn't hesitate. I flicked on my high beams, laid on the horn again and again, cranked the throttle, and drove straight at him.

I grabbed the wrench from my bag and brought it down on his head, then pulled off my jacket and covered her with it.

Just as I was about to call the police, the man drove a knife into me with everything he had.

Mia stayed by my bed at the hospital for two weeks, her eyes swollen from crying until they looked like walnuts.

And that was where the friendship between the two of us took root.

After that, right or wrong, she stood by my side. She treated me as her best friend and introduced me to everyone she knew, all her family and friends.

Nat included, the boy she'd grown up with.

Back then I was poor, full of self-doubt, carrying more responsibility than anyone my age.

Even after falling for him at first sight, all I could do was bury the feeling quietly.

Until the night of our graduation party, when everyone started playing truth or dare.

The bottle spun three times and finally pointed at Mia.

The one asking wore a delighted grin and asked her who she'd given her first kiss and her first time to.

Without a second's hesitation she named the campus heartthrob, her eyes bright with laughter.

"Charles James. And we're going abroad next month to make it official."

Everyone cheered and egged them on. Only Nat sat in the corner, his eyes dark and unreadable.

When we broke up in the small hours, I was the one still clear-headed, since Mia had kept me from drinking all night.

After I'd seen them off into their cars one by one, I went back for my bag, and Nat, reeking of alcohol, pulled me into his arms.

He leaned into my shoulder, slurring my name.

"Geraldine, you like me, don't you?"

"Do you want to marry me first and fall in love after?"

I went stiff, feeling the warmth of his breath, and it was as though every cell in my body had stopped moving.

A moment later I remembered I had my earbuds in, so I answered as if I'd heard something else entirely.

"They're all in their cars already, don't worry."

"Come on, let's go, it's about to rain."

After that night, I kept my distance from Nat on purpose, avoiding every place he'd be.

I poured everything I had into two things: my internship and taking care of my mother.

Until one day, hurrying home from work, I found the whole building sealed off behind police tape.

A gas leak next door, and old wiring, had started a fire.

I was losing my mind, ready to run into the flames, when I saw Nat carrying my mother out of the building on his back.

He was covered head to toe in soot and vomit.

Once my mother had been pulled through, I couldn't hold back anymore. I threw my arms around him and sobbed.

Over the next week, we rushed through it all: announcing it, getting the license, holding the wedding.

On the wedding day, Mia, who was supposed to be abroad, showed up at the very last moment to warn Nat to treat me well, or she'd never forgive him for stealing her best friend as long as she lived.

Back then I was drowning in an overwhelming happiness, and I never once noticed the strange air between them.

Now that I think it through, the happiness I'd been so sure of was nothing more than a byproduct of their game of spite.

My heart felt like a huge hand had clenched it all at once, the pain making my breath tremble.

Slowly I curled up on the floor and let the tears roll from the corners of my eyes into my hair.