Chapter 2

By the time I'd locked down the wedding venue and got home, the handler had already spent the whole day pleading with him.

But that fish flat-out refused to go back in the water. He'd made up his mind to be the man of the house.

To stake his claim, he'd smashed every wedding photo in the place.

The frame styles, the angles they sat at — Marcia had picked all of it out herself, piece by piece.

When he saw me walk back in, he jabbed a finger right in my face and started cursing.

【You did this on purpose, didn't you? You want to force me back into the water!】

【You're scared Marcia's going to fall head over heels for the way I look now, aren't you?】

I sighed and reached out to knock on that fish-brained head of his, IQ somewhere in the negatives.

【Listen to me, little seafood. Take some advice and get back in the water.】

【If Marcia finds out you're the one who wrecked those wedding photos, she really will turn you into fish head soup.】

I wasn't even scaring him.

Originally, once he'd let us pull his scales and take the pearl, Marcia and I were still going to put him back in the ocean to live out his days as a happy piece of seafood.

But no, he had to come ashore and play human for Marcia's sake, and now the disasters were stacking up one after another.

I already had my hands full with the wedding. I honestly didn't have the energy to keep cleaning up after him.

The handler was even worse off, spinning in circles, begging him.

【Big fish, I'm begging you! I'm just a poor working stiff, and you cost twenty million.】

【You've already ruined all your scales yourself. What am I supposed to pay them back with?】

【Get back in the water before Miss Summers comes home. There's still time for the scales to grow back.】

【After tonight, they'll never grow back at all!】

Bernard shoved the handler's hand away. No matter what, he wouldn't go back in the pool.

I sighed.

【Fine. The nice way isn't working, so we'll do it the hard way.】

The handler, who'd been pleading his heart out one second earlier, pulled the stun baton out of his pocket the next and dropped him clean out cold.

By the time he woke up, the fish pool had become a water cell.

Behind a wall of tempered glass, he looked ready to lunge out and tear me apart.

【The handler says you can only grow new scales in the water. It's the only way you'll live.】

【Also, I don't want your scales or your merpearl anymore. Once you've healed up, I'll send you back to the ocean.】

When he heard I meant to send him back to the ocean, he fought it even harder.

His hands slammed against the glass over and over, knuckles splitting open.

【Marcia brought me home. You have no right to send me away!】

The handler stamped his feet in a panic.

【Quit while you're ahead. The fish that get hauled up on land never get a chance to go back to the sea.】

【You should be thanking Miss Summers. She gave you a way to live!】

But nothing got through to him. He just kept bringing up how good Marcia had been to him.

【Marcia's the one who gave me my name. That makes me her fish!】

The name almost made me laugh out of sheer frustration.

Ever since Marcia named this fish Bernard.

His stares had gotten mushier by the day.

But that was all on Marcia and her big mouth.

She'd teased him that the name meant it: a man who envies lovers, not immortals — so happy in love he wouldn't trade it for heaven.

Only I knew just how twisted her naming really was.

That romantic gloss was never what she meant — "Bernie" was just her little pun on calling him her little seafood, damn it...

I couldn't bring myself to crush a fish's pride, so I stayed quiet.

But he only got more worked up.

【And if Marcia didn't care about me, why would she come tell me stories every single night?】

I rubbed at my brow, feeling the migraine start to climb back in from listening.

To knock some sense into him, I decided to spell out who Marcia really was.

【Buddy, haven't you noticed every story Marcia tells you ends in tragedy?】

【It's because the two of us made a bet. She bet that a fish's tears could turn into pearls.】

【That's the only reason she came running over day after day, making up stories to trick you into crying.】

Bernard froze for a beat, then shot back, refusing to take it.

【No way. You're just jealous that Marcia likes spending time with me more.】

【She comes to drink with me every day. It has to be because being with you is so boring she comes here to drown her sorrows.】

At that, I turned a suspicious look on the handler.

【Drinking? Fish can drink?】

The handler gave a pained smile and leaned close to my ear, lowering his voice.

【It's a deodorizing trick Miss Summers came up with herself.】

【What she was actually giving him to drink was... cooking wine.】

Now it was my turn to be dumbstruck.

After a couple of seconds to recover, I still couldn't hold it in.

【Hell! Is this Marcia even human?】

Bernard heard me and, furious, slammed his own head into the glass and knocked himself out again.

Right before he blacked out, he was still muttering.

【Don't you dare curse Marcia. She's madly in love with me...】