Chapter 1

At the welcome-back party after my exchange abroad, the card I drew was Piers Matthews.

The crowd laughed and egged me on.

"Joyce Swanson, tell us Piers's height, weight, hobbies... his size... and how long?"

I answered every one, exact.

Six foot one, one-fifty-nine, basketball, seven inches, and how long is...

I paused, then finished calmly. "Eighty-six minutes."

Fifty questions about Piers Matthews. I got a perfect score.

Chloe Barnes propped her chin on her hand. "You're not Piers's girlfriend, are you?"

Someone jumped in.

"She probably was, right? Wasn't the whole reason she ran off on that two-year exchange because she got jealous over the UK research spot?"

"And the deciding vote back then, Piers gave it to Chloe!"

"Chased him for five years and didn't even get a title out of it!"

Piers leaned back into the couch, his voice flat. "No. Just neighbors."

I took a small sip of my juice. "And it never will be."

Piers laughed suddenly, his tone mocking.

"What, done chasing?"

I looked at him and felt nothing at all.

Because it hit me then that I hadn't lost to anyone.

I just didn't love Piers Matthews anymore.

...

Halfway through the party, the talk didn't let up.

Someone asked with a grin, "Joyce, in those two years abroad, did you really not follow any news back home?"

"Not much," I said mildly.

"Then do you know Piers and Chloe were together almost every single day these two years?"

"Same lab, same meals, even the same school events."

Someone drew the words out.

"They were the number-one sweetest couple on the forum! If that's not together, what is?"

Chloe sat beside Piers, her cheeks faintly pink.

"Don't make things up."

That was what she said, but she didn't push away the hand Piers had rested on her waist.

Laughter filled the room.

"Just friends, with a hand on her waist?"

"Oh, friends with benefits, huh?"

Piers didn't deny it. His palm tightened lightly at Chloe's side.

I dropped my eyes. My chest was calm as dead water.

Two years ago, one shared meal between them would have kept me awake all night.

I would have read through Piers's chat logs over and over, guessing why he picked her up himself, why he shielded her in front of everyone, and yet would never once admit I was his girlfriend.

Looking at it now, it wasn't much after all.

Chloe suddenly stood, carrying a glass of wine over to me.

"Joyce, let me toast you. That whole thing with the research spot back then, I really never meant to take yours from you..."

I stared at the plain silver band on her ring finger, and all at once I remembered the summer after our SATs.

Piers had taken me to a jewelry shop, bent over his work for a long time, the knuckles rubbed red.

I asked what he was making.

Matching couple rings, he said.

"Who said I'd wear matching rings with you?"

"Fine, forget it, then."

That was what his mouth said, but when he finished he slid one of them onto my finger.

It fit perfectly.

It was the first time he took my hand on his own, and the first time he admitted we were together.

Later, during our last fight, I pulled the ring off and threw it back at him.

I thought he'd throw it away, or keep it.

I never thought he'd turn around and give it to Chloe.

The people around us started up again.

"Joyce, drink! Chloe went out of her way to toast you."

"Don't tell me one trip abroad and you don't even dare to drink anymore?"

I lifted my own juice and tapped it lightly against hers.

"I don't drink."

The smile on Chloe's face thinned. "Still the same as before."

She lowered her eyes and added, "Still always killing the mood."

Someone laughed out loud right away.

Then a glass of wine came down hard in front of me.

"Here, a toast to the doormat."

The man was loud.

"Chased him for five years, ended up with nothing, and even helped hand his first love off to someone else!"

"Joyce Swanson, you saw your doormat act through to the end, I'll give you that!"

The next second, Piers lifted his glass and clinked it against the man's.

"Well said."

The glasses met with a clear ring.

I watched it, and suddenly remembered our last fight before I left.

I'd asked him, "Piers, I just want you to admit me in front of everyone. Is that really such an outrageous thing to ask?"

He'd said, "There's no point."

Thinking about it now, all those answers I chased through my tears, turning them over and over, really were pointless.

I just didn't understand it then. I had to hit the wall before I'd turn back.

By the time the party broke up, it had started to rain outside.

Piers stood at the bottom of the steps. "I'll take you back to the dorm."

"No need."

"Joyce Swanson."

His voice dropped low. "Two years abroad out of spite, and you're still hiding? Afraid you can't keep the act up?"

My face didn't change. I reached out and flagged down a cab.

The window rose slowly, shutting his familiar face out beyond the curtain of rain.

He didn't come after me.

Just like so many years before.

He would only stand there, waiting for me to turn back on my own.

But this time, I didn't.