Chapter 2

The weekend brought a Henson family dinner to celebrate Fiona Henson's sixtieth birthday.

I bought a proper gift well in advance and arrived at the Henson house on time to help.

Even if I was going to leave, I told myself, I'd keep some dignity about it.

I'd barely changed out of my shoes and stepped inside when every gaze swept past me and landed on the person behind me, on Janice.

Lewis had her favorite dessert in one hand, the other hovering at the small of her back. The gesture came easy and practiced, as if she were the one about to become his wife.

"Janice, you're here! Sit, sit!"

Fiona was the first to hurry over, gripping Janice's hand tight, her face all indulgence.

Seth Henson smiled and picked up the thread. "I know you love the glazed barbecue ribs, so the kitchen set some aside just for you. Nobody's touched them."

Myra was even more thoughtful, sliding over a whole plate of strawberries. "Just washed. Have plenty."

The four of them clustered around Janice, fussing and warm, the whole room glowing with it.

I stood in the corner with my heavy gift, unnoticed, an outsider they could see right through.

I walked quietly to an empty seat at the edge and sat down. I was long used to being left out in the cold.

At the table, Lewis's attention stayed fixed on Janice, his chopsticks working nonstop. "This one's good for the stomach. Yours is delicate, eat more of it."

"Don't touch the seafood, you're allergic. Did you forget?"

She knew every one of Janice's likes and every little ailment by heart.

She had no idea I'd had chronic stomach trouble for years, that I couldn't touch anything cold or spicy.

The mood was still bright when Janice suddenly let her smile fade, forcing a troubled look onto her face. "Auntie, Uncle, Lewis, Myra, there's something that's been worrying me so much lately."

Fiona asked at once, "What is it, Janice? Whatever the trouble is, just tell us, we'll all help you."

Janice bit her lip and said, in a small, wounded voice, "My award ceremony just got a date, and it falls on the exact same day as Lewis's wedding."

"Which means, the day I go up to accept it, none of you will be able to come see me, will you?"

"I'm sorry, I..."

The words landed and the table went silent in an instant.

But it didn't last. One by one, the relatives spoke up.

"Oh no, what terrible timing! Janice is so accomplished, and she finally earned this award!"

"Exactly, Janice! A career milestone like that, how important is that! A wedding's just a formality!"

Fiona turned her head to look at me.

"Celeste, be reasonable about this."

"We'll just move the wedding to the evening. That way it won't clash with Janice's award, and it won't hold up the two of you getting married."

Every eye at the table swung to me at once.

I lifted my gaze, took in the faces around me, and spoke calmly.

"But the way I've heard it, only second weddings are held in the evening."

"Unless this is Lewis's second marriage?"

The words were barely out of my mouth.

Lewis mocked me on the spot, his tone thick with displeasure and blame.

"What kind of backward thinking is that?"

"What century are we in, still splitting things into day and night? That's pure superstition, none of it holds up."

"This award means everything to Janice's career. It comes once in a lifetime."

"You bend a little and shift the time, so what? Do you have to be this cold about it?"

To him, the wedding I'd treasured my whole life came nowhere close to one ceremony that was only icing on Janice's cake.

Looking at every face at that table lined up on Janice's side, I felt all the will to argue drain out of me.

There was no need to fight. No need to explain.

I said flatly, "Fine. Move it to the evening, then."

The dinner broke up, the relatives all left, and Fiona made a point of coming over to me.

"Celeste, let me be honest with you," she said.

"That girl Janice has no one to lean on, she's soft and fragile, it breaks your heart. The whole family adores her."

"You're Lewis's fiancée, sensible and gracious. Give in to her more. Stop always competing with her."

I raised my eyes and looked at her evenly. "Auntie, I've never once competed with her over anything."

"You didn't compete? Then who's the sour face for?"

Fiona wouldn't let it go. "A girl shouldn't be so petty. How else will you build a good life together later on?"

Just then Lewis came over and backed her up.

"My mother's right. You really are too sensitive, too dramatic."

The night we got engaged, after the guests had gone, one of his buddies had grabbed him and pressed him on why he'd chosen Celeste Swanson.

He'd leaned back against the couch, his eyes glassy with drink.

"Nothing special. She's just suitable. Sensible, low-maintenance, doesn't cost me any effort. She's fine for settling down with."

I'd been hiding around the bend of the staircase when I heard it, and I still made excuses for him like a fool, telling myself it was just the liquor talking.

So from the very start, I'd only ever been his sensible, suitable choice.

I gave Fiona a small nod and didn't argue anymore. "I understand."

There was no point making a scene, and even less point in hoping.

The studio down south was already settled. My new life was on its way.

This Henson family that had never had room for me, this relationship that had never been mine, I didn't want to stay in for a single moment longer.