Chapter 1

1: 1

Eight months after giving birth, I asked Thaddeus James for money for the first time.

A little fan on sale, fifty-nine ninety-nine.

A bottle of drugstore lotion, nine ninety-nine.

I looked at the balance on my phone and explained quietly.

"The lotion lasts two years. That's five dollars a year."

"It's been hot lately. A cheap fan for the kitchen would be fine."

"Can you cover it for me? Once the baby's older and I'm back at work, I'll pay you back."

Thaddeus scrolled through his social media feed and didn't even look up.

"If you're hot, put up with it. You don't have a job. Who are you dressing up for?"

My hand froze, and I turned and saw the screen of his phone.

It was a post Jade Henson had just put up.

A whole spread of high-end skincare, and Thaddeus right there, swiping his card.

Back when Thaddeus's startup failed, to save him money,

I went three years without buying a single new outfit, and cut every daily expense I could.

At the hardest point, I held the baby and cried the whole night, and still didn't have the heart to add one bit of trouble to his load.

I thought if we just pulled together, we could get through it.

But in the end, he was as impressive as ever.

And I was the only one left, the clown who couldn't even afford a ten-dollar bottle of lotion.

1.

I stared at the photo for a long time.

"You gave that skincare set to Jade Henson?"

Thaddeus's hand hung in midair.

"You went through my phone?"

"The newest La Mer cream. Over twenty thousand dollars. That's half a year of living expenses for this family."

Thaddeus was silent for a few seconds, and his tone turned cold.

"Jade brought an important client to the company. The gift was to maintain the relationship."

"Do you even understand business dealings? All you can do is fixate on this little bit of money."

After the company's cash flow broke down, every expense at home had to be counted to the last cent.

Formula couldn't go over a hundred. Diapers were rationed by the piece.

This little bit of money he was talking about would buy the baby formula for a long time.

It would buy me a lifetime of lotion.

"If it's only work, why would she post something like this?"

I pointed to the line on Jade's feed. It really feels good to be kept in someone's heart.

"I want to ask her whether this is a client's gift or a personal one."

I pushed the cart toward the elevator.

Thaddeus grabbed my wrist.

"Celine Donaldson, can you stop making a scene?"

"Jade is an important partner for the company. If you run off and confront her over twenty thousand dollars, how does that make me look?"

"And what about me? When you do this, how does that make me look?"

Before we married, I was a top graduate working at a multinational firm too.

He was the one who turned me into a housewife shut off from the world.

My eyes stung as I turned back.

Thaddeus thought I really meant to go find Jade, and his grip tightened.

In the struggle, the cart slammed into a shelf.

Cans and seasoning bottles crashed to the floor, one after another.

I fell into the middle of the mess.

My palm burned.

Thaddeus didn't notice the cut on my hand, and didn't see the tears in my eyes.

He was only anxiously scanning the reactions of the people around us, keeping his voice low.

"Celine, can you stop embarrassing me?"

"I told you to stay home and raise the kid, not to turn into some useless woman who only knows how to hold out her hand for money!"

"One word from Jade brings the company hundreds of thousands in sales. What can you do for me besides spend?"

"Get up now and come home with me. Stop making a spectacle of yourself here!"

My ankle was twisted. I couldn't get up.

I wanted Thaddeus to help me up.

But he only gave me a cold look, and walked off without turning back.

In the end, it was a store worker beside me who pulled me up.

He glanced at where Thaddeus's back had already vanished, and said, a little awkwardly.

"Ma'am, the damaged items have to be paid at full price. Four hundred thirty-six dollars total. Card or cash?"

My balance was down to sixteen eighty.

I stood there, embarrassed.

I went through my contacts a few times before I worked up the courage to call Natalie Lawrence.

She was quiet for a moment. "Did something happen? Where's your husband?"

I dug my fingers hard into my palm and forced a smile.

"He's busy."

Busy keeping another woman company.

Natalie didn't press any further. She sent the money over.

I fought back the tears, crouched on the floor, and picked up the vegetables that had rolled loose.

The plastic bag had torn.

Two of the discount eggs had cracked too.

The yolk ran down between my fingers, sticky and pathetic.

The worker couldn't stand to watch, and bent down to help on his own.

When he got to the fan and the lotion, he asked me quietly.

"Do you still want these?"

I shook my head.

"No."

Thaddeus, and this marriage.

I didn't want any of it.

I stepped out of the supermarket, and a wave of heat hit my face.

I stood on the crowded street and, for the first time, thought about it seriously.

If I were going to leave Thaddeus, how much money would I need to save.