Chapter 1

After my second miscarriage, the whole family treated it like a crisis.

My mother-in-law quit my job for me.

My mother stayed by my side around the clock.

Sylvester Simmons filled the balcony with roses and jasmine.

He thought it would take my mind off things.

But I couldn't forget the child who had died so cruelly, and I cried every day.

When Maisie Henson, Sylvester's childhood sweetheart, heard about it, she stepped forward on her own.

She threw out my roses and smashed my painting supplies.

Then she said to Sylvester, righteous and firm.

"My sister-in-law's just hiding from it. Ordinary treatment won't reach her."

"We can't just let her waste away like this. We have to take some drastic measures!"

And with that, she shoved my head straight into the sink.

"Don't worry, I'm here."

"I promise I'll get your wife pregnant again with no trouble at all!"

1.

The ice water closed over my mouth and nose in an instant.

I struggled on instinct, my hands scrabbling at the edge of the sink.

The air in my lungs was running out, bit by bit.

Just as my mind started to blur, Sylvester wrenched Maisie away.

"Are you insane?"

He pulled off his coat and wrapped it around me, wiping the water from my face with an ache in his eyes.

"Her body hasn't recovered yet. Do you want to kill her?"

Maisie stumbled back two steps from the push.

Her eyes went red almost at once.

"Sylvester, I'm helping her."

"A sudden cold shock can break her dependence on grief."

"If you comfort her now, you'll only keep her drowning in the pain of losing the baby."

Sylvester's arms around me stiffened.

He was about to say something when Maisie spoke again.

"Every time your wife feels bad, you all crowd around her."

"She's already gotten used to trading tears for attention."

"If you keep indulging her, the treatment will never work."

The living room went silent in an instant.

My mother-in-law was the first to nod.

"That makes sense."

"We spoiled her too much before. That's why she's gotten weaker and weaker."

My mother hesitated a moment, then crouched down and patted my back.

"Maisie means well for you too."

"A little suffering is nothing. For the sake of a child, just bear it."

I looked up at Sylvester.

His jaw was tight, the panic from earlier still lingering in his eyes.

But after a moment, he let go anyway.

I spent the whole night in nightmares, my heart still pounding.

I'd barely fallen asleep when a shrill baby's cry burst right beside my ear.

I jolted awake and searched frantically for my child.

"Baby..."

"Where's my baby?"

There was no child in the bedroom.

Only the speaker on the nightstand, playing that crying over and over.

The curtains were yanked open, and harsh sunlight poured in.

Maisie was standing by the bed.

"Starting today, you get up at six every morning."

"Get used to a baby's cries ahead of time, so you won't be overwhelmed once you have one."

The crying kept going.

I covered my ears, my body shaking beyond my control.

"But my child is already gone!"

The words were barely out before the tears fell.

My mother walked in carrying the herbal medicine.

The moment she saw me crying, her face darkened.

"It's first thing in the morning. Why say such unlucky things?"

"Hurry up and drink your medicine. Don't waste everyone's hard work."

I looked past her, to Sylvester in the doorway.

He was watching me with a frown.

There was pain in his eyes, and hesitation too.

But in the end, he only lightly touched my forehead.

"Listen to Maisie."

The crying went on all day.

By evening, Maisie pinned me down in front of the television.

Newborns.

Babies at a month old.

Children just learning to walk.

One after another, they rotated across the screen in front of me.

Maisie sat beside me, the remote in her hand.

"Look at these happy scenes. That's how we'll stir up your desire to be a mother."

I stared at the children on the screen.

Suddenly I remembered the pale white lights in the operating room that day.

I remembered the nurse carrying my baby away from me, a corner of the swaddling blanket hanging down, swaying gently before my eyes.

"No..."

I covered my eyes, shaking so hard I could barely stay upright.

"Turn it off. I'm begging you, turn it off."

Sylvester and my mother both came toward me.

I thought they'd come to help me.

But my mother only held my hands.

Sylvester leaned down and pressed against my trembling shoulders.

"Just bear it, Joyce."

"Maisie means well for you."

On the television, a baby was laughing.

From the speaker, another child was still crying.

I sat frozen where I was.

And it felt as if my heart was being torn open, inch by inch.