Chapter 3

Fergus finished the sentence, stepped quickly forward to help Eleanor up, and put her behind him, shielding her.

"Whatever this is, take it out on me."

"She didn't do anything wrong. Don't you hurt her."

Five years together, and this was the first time he had ever stood in front of another woman to protect her.

Eleanor tried to smooth it over from between them.

"Fergus, don't be like this. Anna wasn't bullying me."

"I saw just now that something's wrong with her leg. Anna's been afraid of pain since we were little. Take her to a doctor first. I'll be fine on my own."

But her hand, gripping Fergus's clothes, did not let go.

"After everything, you're still worrying about an outsider?"

That word, outsider, drove itself in so deep I couldn't get a single word out.

Fergus's cold eyes swept over me, and the accusation came without thinking.

"Ellie is your best friend, and she's pregnant. How could you make her kneel on the floor? You're really too—"

Before he could finish, I slapped him hard across the face.

"I'm not the one who did wrong. You have no right to point your finger at me."

Fergus went silent at once.

I drew a deep breath and forced myself calm.

But my fingers still dug into my palm on their own.

"I didn't come here today to fight. I'll only ask one thing."

"When did it start?"

After a long silence, Fergus spoke, his voice rough.

"Three years ago…"

"Don't say it. Please, don't say it…"

Eleanor clutched his sleeve, trying to stop him.

I choked, then said, "The exact time."

Fergus turned his head away and wouldn't look at me, but he didn't stop.

"The long holiday weekend."

My mind went blank with a roar.

My legs gave out, and in the end I sank to the floor.

That holiday weekend, my grandparents, far off in the countryside, suddenly called me.

They said they didn't have long left, and they wanted to see me one last time.

And if I could, it would be best to bring Fergus along.

When I was small, my grandparents loved me most of all.

Their greatest wish was to live to see me married.

But that day, I waited a long time at the station.

Fergus never came.

He said his fever wouldn't break, that he simply couldn't make the trip.

My first instinct was to go to him, but he refused.

"Anna, I've already seen a doctor. He says it's something going around, and it's contagious."

"Don't come. I can manage on my own."

"Go see your grandparents first. Don't leave the old folks with regrets."

But their greatest wish had clearly been to see the two of us.

By the time I'd handled both their funerals, a week had passed.

I came back to a serious illness.

The two of them stayed by my side without leaving for a moment.

And I still thought myself lucky.

The person I loved most and my best friend, both right there beside me.

It was only in this moment that I understood.

While I was breaking down keeping vigil, letting my grandparents leave this world with regret,

Fergus faked his illness and went behind my back to pick up Eleanor, drunk and heartbroken over a breakup.

Dry kindling and a live flame, the two of them, catching at a single touch.

And from then on, three whole years, they carried on in secret.

Mom and Dad knew. My brother knew.

It was only this time, when they'd made a baby and couldn't hide it anymore,

that they let me, the fool, find out.

I closed my eyes and laughed, helpless.

"Fine. I understand."

Having my answer, I turned to go.

Eleanor broke free of Fergus's hold and knelt again at my feet.

She slapped herself across the face.

"Anna, all of this, I deserve to die for it. I'm the one who did wrong, who betrayed you."

"I have no right to ask your forgiveness. I won't keep this child. Tomorrow I'll leave this city, and I'll never see any of you again."

"I only beg you, don't hate me, and still be my friend. Please?"

She said it pitifully, every word earnest.

Fergus couldn't watch and pulled her up. She wouldn't rise.

She only stared at me, fixed and desperate. "…Anna."

And I just slowly, bit by bit, drew my hand away.

"From this day on, there is nothing between us."

"Fergus, you too. Find a time and let's divorce."

"I don't want either of you anymore."