Chapter 4

The next day, I went to the hospital to look after my mother.

My phone buzzed.

It was a message from Joel:

"I'll visit your mother some other day. Gillian wants to watch the sunset at the beach, so I'm going to go with her. It's not like your side is in a rush anyway."

No rush.

Those few careless words meant that in his eyes Gillian's business mattered more than anything, while my feelings could simply be ignored.

Right after came a message from Gillian.

"Back then Joel and I were together, but because I didn't keep my distance from other guys, he went and found you to make me jealous."

"And let me tell you one more thing. I only happened to mention that limited-edition warship model to Joel in passing. I never expected you'd actually go and get it for him. It doesn't feel good to have your sincerity carelessly trampled, does it?"

Then she sent a photo.

In it, Gillian was dressed to show plenty of skin, draped over Joel as if she had no bones. And Joel, far from pushing her away to keep his distance, was gazing at her tenderly.

Below the photo she'd added a line.

"The one Joel loves is me. People have to learn to let go."

I pressed the screen dark and slumped helplessly to the floor.

Five years. What I had taken for tenderness and care had all been just to make Gillian jealous.

The pathetic part was that I was still torn over whether to give up five years of a relationship.

She sent another document. When I opened it, there were more photos than I could count, all of them together.

They'd climbed mountains, gone skiing, nestled together under a parachute, kissed while diving.

Their love was fierce and blazing, as if they wanted to tell the whole world that they were together.

It was almost funny. The photos of me and Joel didn't add up to half of theirs.

He'd said that with him by my side, there was no need for so many photos.

Yet not only did he stay by Gillian's side, he took this many photos to keep as mementos.

My eyes filled with tears despite myself. I slid helplessly to the floor, hugged my knees, and cried my heart out.

I shoved my phone into my bag and walked straight to the hospital's payment counter.

"I need to arrange a transfer to another hospital for the patient in bed 632."

The person at the counter asked for my mother's basic information.

I held the signed informed consent form for the transfer.

Breathing in the disinfectant that saturated the hospital, I sat numbly in the chair.

All at once I remembered five years ago, when he took my hand under the ginkgo tree and swore, "From now on, I, Joel James, will be loyal to you, Catherine Fox, alone."

I remembered how shy he'd been the first time he kissed me.

I remembered his delight when he took me out rowing.

Now those things were like bubbles, passing clouds and smoke.

Someone else had long since taken up residence in his heart.

I wiped the tears from my face and went downstairs to buy food for my mother.

As I was paying, the screen showed that Gillian had sent me a video two hours earlier.

It was Gillian running barefoot along the beach while Joel watched her doting.

And then they kissed, under the envious stares of passersby.

Watching it now, I felt nothing at all.

On my way back to the ward, I ran into Joel and Gillian.

Joel had his arm around Gillian, who was clutching her stomach, patiently telling her to take care while helping her drink water.

When he looked up he saw me and asked, puzzled, "Catherine? What are you doing here?"

Gillian spoke up then, weakly:

"I got my period and my stomach hurts. Joel came specially to keep me company. I never imagined we'd have the luck to run into you here."

I turned my back to them.

The sunlight through the window fell warm on my body.

As if I had finally let go, I said calmly.

"I'm here to handle the transfer paperwork for my mother."

"Joel, let's break up."