Chapter 3

The spinal block was administered. Soon, I lost all sensation in my lower body, but my mind remained painfully sharp.

A green surgical drape blocked my view. I couldn't see the procedure, but I could hear the cold metal instruments clinking on the tray, and Derek's impatient barking at the intern.

"The incision is too high! How many times do I have to tell you? Two fingers above the pubic bone!"

"Don't be so nervous! Your hands are shaking so much you can't even see the blood vessels!"

"Hurry up! Have you found the uterus yet? If you take any longer, the baby is going to suffocate!"

Every shout felt like a sledgehammer pounding against my chest.

I could feel Tyler getting more and more panicked, his movements growing sloppy and frantic.

The cold blade cut through my skin, my muscle...

I could feel my body being sliced open layer by layer, like a piece of meat on a butcher's block.

That sensation was far more terrifying than the pain of labor.

After what felt like an eternity, the sharp cry of a newborn finally pierced the room.

"It's a boy. Six pounds, four ounces. Apgar score of nine. Very healthy."

The nurse cleaned the baby quickly and held him next to my cheek.

Looking at his wrinkled little face, my strained tears finally spilled over.

This was my baby. The baby I had literally died and come back to life to protect.

But before I could even get a good look, he was taken away. The surgery was still going on.

"Hurry up and suture her! I have other patients waiting!" Derek urged.

The rest of the process felt incredibly long and chaotic. I could hear Tyler’s heavy breathing from anxiety, and the rapid passing of gauze and tools.

Derek had completely lost his patience. His voice grew harsher. "Hurry up! What is taking you so long?"

"Do we still need this sponge?" Tyler's voice sounded unsure.

"If it's used, throw it in the biohazard bin! Do I seriously have to teach you every little thing?"

"Oh... right... okay..."

I felt my abdominal cavity being roughly tugged and manipulated. The needle pierced my flesh, leaving sharp, stinging sensations. I couldn't shake a strange feeling that something was off, as if something had been forgotten inside me.

But the anesthesia and blood loss made my brain so foggy that I couldn't think straight.

By the time I was wheeled out of the OR, the sun was beginning to rise.

The hallway was completely empty.

There was no anxious husband waiting, no family to ask how I was doing.

There was only the cool morning air and a suffocating loneliness.

The nurse wheeled me into my room. Julian was sitting on the sofa, elegantly sipping a cup of coffee. His sister, Chloe, was lying in the other bed. Her knee was wrapped in a thick layer of gauze, and she was giggling at her Snapchat.

It was a shared room.

The recovery room I was supposed to have to myself after giving birth had been half-usurped by my sister-in-law, who only had a scraped knee.

Seeing me wheeled in, Julian barely looked up. "You're done?" he asked flatly.

"Yes," the nurse answered for me. "It's a boy. Both mother and baby are doing well."

"Oh," Julian muttered. He went back to reading his financial magazine as if he had just heard a piece of trivial news.

Chloe sat up in her bed. Looking at my paper-pale face, she put a hand over her mouth in mock surprise. "Oh, Evelyn! You're finally out? I almost thought you didn't make it..."

She dragged out her words, her eyes filled with malicious joy.

I had no energy to argue with her. The anesthesia was wearing off, and the pain from my incision was becoming sharp and agonizing, like thousands of red-hot needles piercing my flesh at once.

I shivered, cold sweat pouring down my face.

"Nurse... it hurts so bad..." I whimpered.

The nurse quickly left to fetch a pain pump, but Julian frowned, speaking up in irritation.

"Why are you whining? It's just childbirth. Every woman goes through it. Chloe had a terrible fall yesterday and she didn't make a single sound."

His voice wasn't loud, but it felt like a poisoned blade plunging straight into my heart.

I looked at him. I looked at this man I had loved for ten whole years, and he felt like a total stranger.

I realized then that when a man doesn't love you anymore, even your pain is just noise to his ears.

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