Chapter 4

Sadie looked at how understanding I was being, and something in her seemed to twist with pity.

"Why bring up divorce all of a sudden?"

I lowered my head, thinking of Sadie's screen glowing the night before.

One text after another had popped up, all of them from Aiden.

"Mom's so anxious back home she can't sleep."

"When exactly are you going to tell him?"

"If we wait any longer the kid will be calling for his mother. Are you trying to make me a single dad?"

"How much longer do you expect us to hide out overseas?"

"My mother faked her own death for us. Don't tell me you've gone soft on him."

One after another.

All of them pushing her to move.

If this was the ending everyone was so happy to see, why shouldn't I give it to them?

"Sadie, there's no point dragging this out."

"Let's just let each other go."

Her eyes reddened, and she suddenly threw her arms around me, hard.

"No. I'm not divorcing you."

"Peter, if I hadn't handled the thing with Aiden and me so badly back then, you never would have fallen into severe depression, and you'd never have ended up like this."

"You're at your most fragile right now. How could I possibly let go of you?"

She soothed me for a long time, gentle, telling me a bedtime story,

just like when we first fell in love.

She even said that as long as she tried hard enough, cared enough, we could get back to the way we used to be.

Eyes closed, I laughed bitterly inside.

But she already had a child with Aiden.

How could a person like that ever come back to me clean, the way we used to be?

Since Sadie wouldn't agree to the divorce, I would take action myself.

Set her free, and set myself free too.

But ever since she turned down the divorce I proposed,

Sadie really did start to soften, more thoughtful in everything she did.

She'd even bring me an iced dessert I loved after work.

Doing everything she could to make me happy.

"Peter, I know things are hard right now."

"Your condition is serious, but I'll always be here with you."

"Once this stretch is behind us, everything will get better."

She coaxed me, gentle and patient.

"Peter, I love you."

But looking at that familiar face, I only smiled on the surface.

When she couldn't see, my stomach heaved, and I bolted to the bathroom and threw up over the toilet.

If she really loved me, how could she have gone behind my back and had a child with Aiden overseas?

Seeing that my condition had improved a lot these past days,

Sadie ventured carefully, "The company's sending me on a work trip again tomorrow. I promise it'll only take two or three days, then I'll rush back to be with you."

My eyes stayed on the book in my hands. I didn't look up.

"Go ahead. I'll be fine."

I knew the day after tomorrow was Aiden's birthday.

He'd texted three times to hurry her along. Sadie was going, no question.

While Sadie was overseas throwing a birthday for her precious first love,

I sent for my brother, Tristram.

Tristram looked at me like he wanted to speak but held it back.

"Peter, are you sure you want to do this? Once it's done, there's no going back."

My eyes went to the props on the table, and I dragged out a pale smile.

"I'm sure. There was never a way back for me."

"Since I've decided to leave, I'll give them a surprise."

By then, Sadie had already arrived overseas and bought a huge cake.

The whole family, the baby included, gathered around it.

Aiden made his wish, happy. "I hope the three of us can be together forever."

Only Sadie, hearing that, went blank for an instant.

And just as Aiden was happily about to blow out the candles,

Sadie suddenly got a phone call.

The color drained from her face, and the knife and fork she was cutting the cake with clattered to the floor.

"What? You're saying Peter slit his wrists?!"