Chapter 1

In my previous life, my roommate heard that people with depression tend to spend money recklessly, so he secretly swapped out my antidepressants.

He even had a nice name for it:

"I'm just using the placebo method I found online. You're doing just fine without the pills, aren't you?"

"So really, your illness is all an act."

I told him that without my medication I really wanted to die, and asked him to give it back.

Without the pills, I couldn't control myself and slit my wrists.

Now that I've been given a second chance at life, I've decided to blow this wide open.

Since being nice and gentle won't get my medicine back, then I'll go crazy for everyone to see.

Smack!

......

Boris stared at me in disbelief.

I put every bit of my strength into that slap; my hand went numb from the recoil.

It took him a long moment before he ground out through his teeth:

"Have you lost your mind?"

Of course I have.

In my previous life, I discovered that my antidepressants had been swapped for vitamins.

Chubby said he'd seen Boris going through the things at my spot.

My medication is imported and very effective. One dose keeps the urge to die in check, but if I suddenly go off it, my reaction is far stronger than most people's.

I begged Boris to give the medicine back to me, because I would die without it.

I never imagined that Boris had swapped my medicine on purpose.

"Oh come on, what depression? If you really wanted to die, who could actually stop you?"

"The way I see it, you're not sick, you're just being dramatic. Take some placebo and be done with it."

At the time I naively thought he simply didn't understand my illness, so I explained it to him politely, hoping he'd give the medicine back as soon as possible.

All I got in return was that same snide, sarcastic tone.

It had already been three days off my medication.

I didn't dare tell my parents that someone had swapped my pills.

These medicines are hard to get; you can't buy them in this country at all. You have to ask someone to buy them from the Harborview District and ship them over.

Their health is already poor as it is, and I was afraid they'd get worried too.

I was gulping down air, my hands shaking uncontrollably.

"Give me back my medicine."

Boris frowned at me, his lips pressed tight:

"You take your pills in the morning and then you're drowsy and can't follow class. What are you going to do about finals? I'm doing this for your own good, why can't you appreciate it?"

I started screaming, unable to hold my emotions in any longer, tears falling in big drops.

"My teachers all know about my condition!"

"They all know I'm sick, that I need to take my medicine!"

The soundproofing in the dorms wasn't very good; from next door came the sounds of someone getting up.

Boris heard it, and his face went impatient:

"Can you knock it off already? The college entrance exam is over. You can't keep using your so-called depression as a shield forever, can you?"

He dragged me over to the mirror.

The person in the mirror was hunched into a ball, an absolute wreck.

"I'll say this much, you really do a convincing crazy act. Can you teach me? If anyone crosses me, I'll pretend to have an episode too."

He was grinning, and didn't notice the message that came in on the phone lying on his desk.

"The medicine's pretty good. I'll buy whatever you've got left."

I saw a picture of my medicine.

And above it, the money transfer notification.

Boris had accepted it.

My medicine.

Sold.

Sold to someone else.

My parents had pulled who knows how many strings to get this for me.

The string drawn tight in my heart snapped.

So it turned out he'd stolen my medicine and then sold it.

And then turned around and fobbed me off with vitamins.

It wasn't that he didn't know I was sick. He did it on purpose.

I was crying and laughing at the same time.

My fingernails clawed streak after streak of marks into my arm.

I didn't feel any pain. If anything, it felt like a relief.

When he saw the marks, Boris's expression changed, turning panicked, with a trace of guilt.

"Don't put on an act. Don't think you can win any sympathy this way."

I no longer cared what he was saying; I couldn't hear a thing. All I knew was that my medicine had been sold.

I grabbed the water glass off the desk and hurled it against the wall, and then I smashed anything I laid eyes on.

"Give me back my medicine! Give it back!"

Footsteps came from outside the door, and then someone was pounding on it.