Chapter 1

Every year, when the sects hold their trials, not one disciple of our sect can be bothered to go.

The last time we actually sent someone to compete was back when the sect was first founded.

Everyone out there laughs at us, the Alchemy Sect, saying we're all good-for-nothings who can't even raise a single decent disciple.

So the Grandmaster lost his temper. Briefly.

And booted me, a kid who'd just turned four, straight off to the trial grounds.

Except a sweet mouth is the only skill I've got.

The very first task of the trials was to go up the cliff face and harvest serpent lotus.

I can't do sword-flight, so I just squatted at the foot of the mountain and played in the mud.

Every sect disciple who passed had already decided: 【That useless little runt. Once she ends up in a snake's belly, this stops being fun.】

Only that one disciple from the Azure Cloud Sect tucked me into her bundle and coaxed me softly,

【Hold on tight, little sweet-bun. I'll keep you safe and get you out of here.】

I hugged her obediently, though I couldn't figure it out.

Aren't all the monsters in this mountain on friendly terms with me?

They'd never have the heart to eat me……

1

It turned out the snake demon on the cliff face had just eaten two disciples.

The other sect disciples decided to wait until nightfall to make their move.

Which meant that all day, they were stuck at the foot of the mountain with me, watching me play in the mud.

The big sister who'd just promised to protect me was named Katherine Kaufman.

The Grandmaster taught me that once you leave home, you have to hold your head high.

So I stuck out my chest and introduced myself, 【My name is… is Pearl!……】

Katherine's hand was soft and sweet-smelling when she patted my head, nothing like those rough oaf senior disciples back at the sect.

She smiled and asked who gave me such a cute name.

I gave a sly little giggle. 【The Grandmaster picked it. He says a lowly name makes a kid easier to raise.】

She shook her head and said it didn't sound like a lowly name at all.

I hadn't blushed or stumbled once telling it, but I really couldn't bring myself to admit I'd lied.

There was no way I could say my name wasn't Pearl at all. It was Piglet.

My master named me Piglet, hoping I'd one day grow up big and sturdy like a fat little hog……

But Katherine here was a head disciple of the Azure Cloud Sect.

Not being able to do sword-flight was embarrassing enough already. I couldn't very well let my name be an embarrassment too.

Otherwise how was I, the great Piglet King, supposed to run this whole demon mountain with her at my side?

Katherine handed me a flatbread biscuit and told me earnestly,

【Little sweet-bun, tonight, no matter what you see, stay hidden in the bundle and don't make a sound.】

【And if you get really scared, just shut your eyes and eat your biscuit, all right?】

I nodded hard and answered sweetly.

Katherine's bundle really was packed with flatbread biscuits, and she was even willing to let me eat as many as I wanted. She said her own grandmaster had prepared them all in advance.

Then I looked at myself. Empty-handed, dumped onto the trial grounds the moment I woke up.

I glanced back, and my own Grandmaster had long since dusted off his rear and slipped away without a trace.

No wonder everyone out there curses my master for being useless.

Hmph, I want to curse him too!

Some grandmaster he is. Old and shameless, that's what.

Right as I was thinking it, the back of my neck suddenly went all itchy.

I reached up, and my hand came away covered in blood. I got so scared my legs went weak.

【Mama, there's a big fat black bug crawling on my back, this big, help!】

Mike Swanson of the Frostmist Sect, hiding not far off, laughed out loud.

Holding the hex-worm he'd bred himself, he actually stepped forward and said, brazen as anything,

【Quit screaming, you useless little runt.】

【Once Katherine Kaufman's busy dealing with the demon beast, she won't have a spare moment for you anyway.】

【You're going to die either way, so you may as well be a nice blood bag for my hex-worm.】

Katherine was just about to step in and teach him a lesson.

Then a streak of bright yellow shot over out of nowhere and swallowed that big black bug down in a single gulp.

I was thrilled, and hurried to say hello.

【Auntie June Newman! You came to save me!】

Auntie June is the best bug-finder on the whole demon mountain.

One year there was a famine, and every bird on the mountain was so starved it could barely fly.

She walked across a dozen mountains and, by sheer stubbornness, found a whole worm valley, and fed all the other birds until their beaks dripped.

From that day on, she earned the title of Fowl Queen.

But that reeking hex-breeder Mike actually had the nerve to start cursing.

【You wretched hen! I spent ten years breeding that hex-worm, and you just swallow it, like that?】

June cocked her head, opened her beak, and spat the dead worm right back out onto his face, whole and untouched.

She clucked and squawked for a good while, then had me pass along a message.

【Auntie June says you don't know the first thing about breeding worms. You raised it so old the meat's gone tough, she can't even chew it!】

The man in front of me flushed with rage and shot right back,

【A stinking pheasant isn't a phoenix. How is she even fit to eat my hex-worm?】

Terrified, I quickly clapped my hands over June's ears and scolded him.

【What are you doing? Auntie June hates it most of all when people compare her to a phoenix.】

【Besides, Auntie June's feathers are big and glossy, and her cry is loud and lovely too. She's the prettiest pheasant I've ever seen!】

June, who a moment ago had wanted nothing more than to fly out and peck Mike to death, went all poised and dignified the instant she heard it.

She rolled her eyes at Mike, then led me and Katherine off to a corner to talk business.

With great mystery, I fished out the elixir pills I'd just rolled up.

I wrapped them all together and hung them around June's neck.

Katherine stared, stunned, and pointed at the little bundle of dark round pills. 【Piggy, weren't you just playing in the mud?】

I felt a little smug. 【Of course not. These are digestion elixirs. Auntie June's always constipated, so she has to take them on schedule every month.】

We are the Alchemy Sect, after all.

Whenever the Grandmaster had nothing better to do, he'd toss me into the mountains to practice, and the rule was I had to cure a thousand patients before I turned four.

So I come to this place all the time.

Soon June let out a long cry toward the mountaintop.

An immortal crane flew down, dozens of stalks of serpent lotus clutched in its beak.

Like I was presenting a treasure, I stuffed the whole lot into Katherine's arms.

【Here, Auntie June knew we wanted serpent lotus, so she went straight over and stripped every last flower off Grandpa Serpent.】

【These flowers can count as payment for the biscuits.】