Chapter 3

The next morning, I booked an appointment straight at the city women's and children's hospital.

It was also where Margot usually went for her prenatal checkups.

I didn't know why I felt I had to come here.

Maybe, deep down, I just wanted to see with my own eyes exactly how deep this brother-and-sister bond of theirs could go.

When the ultrasound was done, the doctor frowned at the screen.

"The placenta is very low-lying, and there's blood pooling near the cervix."

"I'd recommend hospitalization for observation first, and then you can think it over."

I walked down the corridor of the maternity building with the paperwork in my hand.

And sure enough, right as I reached the blood-draw area, I ran into them.

Margot covered her mouth and gave a dry heave.

Jackson immediately crouched down in front of her, anxious.

"Where does it hurt? I'll go get a doctor."

He was sweating buckets, running back and forth at the nurses' station.

I stood a little way off, watching him pull a payment slip out of his pocket.

A gust of wind lifted the corner of the slip.

I saw the number on it clearly: eight thousand dollars.

I walked over with my admission form in hand and called his name.

He whipped around and scrambled to shove the payment slip back into his pocket.

"What are you doing here?" His brow furrowed at once.

I held out the admission form for the three-thousand deposit.

"The doctor says I need to be admitted right now. The deposit is three thousand, and by our rules you pay half."

"What's gotten into you now?" Jackson didn't even glance at the form.

"I told you to go to the gym more and you complained it was too tiring. Now your body's run-down and something's gone wrong—that's your own personal problem."

"Why should I split some unnecessary expense like this with you?"

Beside him, Margot made a show of digging through her bag.

"I'll lend it to you, then. Don't be mad at my brother over a little money like this."

Jackson clamped a hand over her bag.

"Keep your money to build yourself back up. Don't mind her—she's just had life too easy and came here to make a scene for no reason!"

I stared into his eyes.

"Margot gets to spend eight thousand, but I ask you for fifteen hundred and I'm being unreasonable?"

"Is it even the same thing?" Jackson said, self-righteous.

"Margot is my sister. She's in trouble, so I'm helping her out of an emergency. Your problem is that you didn't manage your own health properly, so you bear the consequences yourself."

He grabbed the wheelchair and shoved right past me.

My lower back slammed hard against the armrest of the bench beside me, and I dropped straight to the floor.

A dragging pain shot through my lower belly.

A nurse passing by hurried over to help me.

"What is wrong with you, shoving a pregnant woman?" the nurse shouted at him.

Jackson didn't even turn his head.

"She threw herself back on purpose. Don't let her fool you."

"She's not happy unless she's putting on an act."

Margot leaned back in the wheelchair and pressed him.

"Come on, I'm dizzy, let's just go."

And just like that, he pushed her off and disappeared around the bend in the corridor.

The nurse helped me up and asked, concerned, "Are you all right? Come lie down in a room first."

I shook my head and pulled my hand free from hers.

In that moment, I made my choice.

The pain in my body was nothing next to the cold in my heart.

I'd thought I still had some small place in his heart.

Reality slapped me across the face, solid and hard, and I walked straight into the pregnancy-termination clinic.

When the doctor saw how far along I was and read my test results, her face turned grave.

"Thirteen weeks, with the placenta this low—a standard procedure carries too much risk."

"You'll need to be hospitalized for an induced abortion. There could be heavy bleeding. Have you thought this through?"

I lowered my head and laid a hand on my flat belly.

As a mother, how could I not ache over it?

That was my own flesh and blood, the flesh of my heart.

The more it ached, the less I dared to give birth to him.

How could I bring myself to let him come into this world to face a father who, before he was even born, was already scheming over the little maternity allowance he'd bring in?

Born into a family like this, he would only become a bargaining chip in Jackson's hands to haggle with me.

Not being able to bring you safely into the world—that's Mommy's fault.

But keeping you from suffering in a home this rotten is the last thing Mommy can do for you.

I looked up at the doctor.

"I've thought it through."

After I paid, the nurse took me to the room to change.

On the phone, my mom cried and said she and my dad had already boarded the high-speed train and were on their way.

I told her not to worry and to be safe on the road.

When I hung up, the room was terrifyingly quiet.

I lay there quietly in bed, waiting for the medication to take effect.