Chapter 1

Ethan Vance was the boy next door, four years older than me.

During those hormone-fueled teenage years, I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself while staring at his phone.

I had a dirty, unspeakable secret: I desperately craved for this man to hold me.

I felt disgusted by my own filthy mind.

Shortly after that, Ethan's family moved away, and I never saw him again.

But on countless nights,

whenever I closed my eyes, his face—that mixture of pleasure and pain—would flash across my mind.

I could still hear his muffled gasps and smell the sweet, metallic scent in the air that made my heart race.

I never thought I would ever see the man of my dreams again.

But in a pitch-black hallway, someone blindfolded me. Even so, his scent and voice betrayed him instantly.

Ethan, I am far more obsessed than you think.

My alarm went off three times, but it still couldn't pull me out of that hot, blush-worthy dream.

I checked my phone. It was 9:27 AM. I was definitely going to be late for work.

I sighed and accepted my fate.

Since I was already late, I might as well take a shower.

The bathroom was thick with steam. My skin shivered wherever my fingers brushed.

Fifteen minutes later, I stared at my flushed reflection in the mirror, feeling a bit dazed.

Just then, my phone rang.

"Chloe, are you actually going to that blind date I set up for you the day after tomorrow? You're twenty-four! Can you please give your father and me some peace of mind?”

“Mrs. Gable's daughter is only a year older than you, and she already has a baby!"

Fearing I would reject her like before, my mom softened her voice and added:

"Are you still thinking about Ethan? Look at his family, his education. He’s so successful—why would he look at someone like you?”

“ Get over him. Dress up nicely and go to that date the day after tomorrow. I'm only doing this for your own good."

My mind drifted back to a hot summer afternoon during the break of my freshman year of college.

It was too hot, so I hid in my room watching adult movies.

I had actually moaned Ethan's name.

I wrote everything down in my diary, including my deepest, most shameful secrets. But then my mom accidentally found it. She called me shameless, using the nastiest words possible on her own daughter.

She even gossiped about it to our relatives. I felt like I had been stripped naked in public, pointed at like a piece of meat on a butcher's block.

How did I feel back then? Humiliated. I wanted to die. I hated myself for not being able to control my own mind and body, and I was devastated that my mom would expose my secrets like that.

Fearing she would bring it up again, I agreed to the blind date.