Chapter 3

When I woke the next morning, Roberta had upped the dose, just as I'd feared. Both my legs felt like they'd been tied over an open flame, a burning that never let up.

I braced myself against Ella and tried to stand. The moment my soles touched the floor, a stab of pain shot up my body and burned all the way to the back of my neck. I couldn't take it, not for a second.

By nightfall the pain had turned worse, like ten thousand needles being driven into me all at once.

I tossed and turned. I begged for a single bottle of painkillers and was refused.

Nathan even said, "Roberta says this is a sign you're recovering. Every patient has to get through this stage. Just hang on a little longer."

So I gritted my teeth and bore it, and my hatred for the two of them climbed to its peak.

Except Nathan sat by the bed all night too.

By the next morning the pain had finally eased a little. I drifted off, half-asleep, and when I opened my eyes again, my mother was sitting at the head of the bed.

"You're awake? Drink this while it's hot. We heard how much pain you were in last night, so I made a soup to build your strength and brought it right over."

I propped myself up and took the bowl, sipping it in small mouthfuls.

Ever since I'd stumbled onto the truth, my feelings toward all of them had cooled.

For now, there was no one else in the room.

"Sweetie, there's something I want to talk to you about."

"Let your mother say the fair thing here. That girl Roberta hasn't had it easy either. With your body the way it is... someone has to look after Nathan in your place. What are you thinking about doing?"

My hand jerked.

Half the soup spilled onto the blanket, some of it splashing across my thigh, scalding the skin an angry red. I couldn't feel the burn.

I looked at my father, silent but nodding along, and I wanted to scream one question at them: Do you two even know how Gigi died?

But I swallowed it back. It wasn't time yet.

Then I caught sight of the jade bracelet on my mother's wrist, plainly worth a fortune, and I let out a soft laugh. "How much did Roberta pay you to say all this?"

My father finally looked over, his tone flat. "Sweetie, it's not about money. Look at yourself, at the state you're in. Nathan's only in his early thirties. You can't expect him to spend the rest of his life tied to you, can you? We feel terrible about it too."

"The way things are for you, if Roberta could come into the family, at least you'd have someone. She wouldn't just leave you to fend for yourself."

What a fine, high-sounding speech.

I threw the bowl. My parents saw things going badly and quickly found an excuse to leave, but the feeling in my gut only grew stronger.

Then that afternoon I passed the nurses' station, and a few of the young nurses covered their mouths, giggling. "Director Pruitt's got good news coming and didn't even tell us. We all saw the ring."

My whole body started shaking, cold sweat breaking out down my back.

If they were getting married, what would happen to me? Would a useless woman in the way like me really not become a thorn they wanted pulled out?

Back in the room, I reached with trembling hands into the very back of the cabinet and pulled out a small glass bottle.

Something I'd secretly had mixed for me.

It could keep the basic nerve pathways from fully closing while the nerves were being suppressed, and still create the illusion of atrophy.

I decided to up my own dose. It was how I was buying myself time.

A week later, in the evening, Ella took the night off.

Nathan volunteered to change my dressings, and the moment he lifted the blanket, he froze.

My right calf was a full size thinner than the left, the kneecap jutting out like an overturned bowl, the skin beneath it mottled purple.

He said nothing, but I saw clearly that his eyes had gone red, and his throat bobbed twice.

I wasn't actually asleep in the middle of the night. I could hear the click of a lighter out on the balcony. Nathan had his back to me, on one of his long phone calls with Roberta.

"Sometimes I really just wish she'd get better and be done with it."

I held my breath.

"But then I'm scared that if she gets better she'll find out everything. There's no hiding the truth about Gigi..."

"Yeah, you're right, I'm spineless. I just can't bring myself to divorce her, do you get that?"

Hearing it, I couldn't help rolling my eyes, and not a ripple stirred inside me.

He couldn't bring himself to let me go, so he locked me to this bed and left me to suffer?

If that was love, it was too absurd for words.