Thirty Years Single, Unwanted; Family Historian Reveals Dirt

I'm the family historian, and I've got dirt on every relative you can name. But because I didn't jump up to slice the Thanksgiving pie for my cousin, the whole family ganged up to mock me. "Kathy's about to marry into a billionaire family. And you? Thirty years old, still single, and nobody wants you!" "A master's degree, and you're doing worse than a cousin who barely finished vocational school. What an embarrassment!" Every face dripped with contempt, all snide remarks, doing everything they could to tear me down.