Chapter 2

At four the next morning, Ken banged on my door hard enough to rattle it.

"Mom, Ronald's crying again, get up and check on him. I've got work tomorrow."

I pulled my down jacket tight and climbed off the folding cot.

The storage room had no heat, and the window leaked cold air. I'd shivered through the whole night without sleeping, and my fingers were still stiff.

When I opened the door, Ken had already turned back into the master bedroom. Across the hall, in the guest room, Judith complained the floor heating wasn't warm enough and kept an electric blanket running too.

That room had been meant for me. But on her very first day, Judith said her back was bad and she couldn't sleep in a small room.

Sabina took me aside and coaxed me.

"Mom, my mother-in-law isn't well. Could you make do for now? The storage room cleans up fine, you can sleep there."

That "for now" turned into two years.

I went into the nursery, changed his diaper, warmed a bottle, then held Ronald and rocked him for over an hour.

The moment he finally slept, I headed to the kitchen to start breakfast. Eggs, meat buns, millet porridge. Only after everything was on the table did Judith come drifting out.

She glanced over it.

"Cook my eggs a little longer. I can't stomach them runny."

"All right."

I boiled them again for her.

By the time the whole family finished eating, it was nearly eight. All that was left on the table was half a bowl of cold porridge and one meat bun that Ronald had squashed.

I'd barely sat down when Sabina came out with the stripped bedsheets.

"Mom, Ronald wet the bed last night. Wash these now, my mother-in-law needs the machine in a bit."

I looked at that half bowl of porridge and wanted to ask if I could eat first, but I couldn't hold out against her nagging, so I stood up.

Judith heard from the side and started giving orders at once.

"Oh, and my wool sweater has to be washed by hand. Go easy on it. You wrecked its shape last time."

I answered quietly, and it hit me all over again: back when I worked as a postpartum caregiver in other people's homes, my top pay was thirty-two thousand a month.

The families who hired me only wanted me to look after the mother and the baby. There was a cook for meals, a cleaner for the house, and even when I got up at night for feedings, they let me catch up on sleep the next day.

But in my own daughter's home, the baby was mine to handle, the cooking was mine, the laundry and mopping were mine, the groceries and the errands were mine too.

What exactly was I doing all this for?

That morning, right after I'd hung the sheets to dry, my phone chimed. The two cases of formula Sabina had told me to buy the night before had gone through for over nine hundred dollars.

Right after, another message came through.

"Mom, we're almost out of diapers too. Grab a couple packs while you're at it. Same brand as before."

I did the math. We were only ten days into the month and I'd already spent over four thousand for them. The eight hundred in living money Ken had given me was gone last week on groceries.

I had no choice but to open my pension account. I was just about to pay when Judith pushed her phone in front of me.

"Hilda, take a look at these calcium pills. My legs keep cramping lately."

Over six hundred a box. Before I could say a word, Sabina chimed in.

"Mom, buy my mother-in-law two boxes. Once she's feeling better, she can lend you a hand too."

I looked at Judith. From the day the baby was born until now, she hadn't washed a single diaper.

But so my daughter could keep her footing in this house, I paid anyway.

Sabina broke into a smile at once.

"That's my mom, always so generous."

I used to love hearing that. It always felt like my daughter knew how good I was to her. Now, for some reason, the words left a bad taste.

That afternoon, I was in the kitchen making Ronald's baby food when a call came in from a number I hadn't heard from in a long time. It was the manager from the caregiver company I used to work for.

"Hilda, our training center is short a teacher. Thirty thousand a month, and if you're willing to come, we can arrange the hours to fit your situation."

I gripped the phone, and my heart jumped at it. But before I could get a word out, Sabina walked over holding Ronald, her face full of displeasure.

"Mom, you're not actually thinking of going? Ronald's so attached to you. If you leave, who's going to watch him?"

I said quietly, "It's only teaching classes. I wouldn't have to live there. I'd still have time to watch him."

Sabina's face fell.

"Mom, if you're short on money you can tell me, it's not like I won't give you any! You can take care of strangers' kids, but when it's your own grandson, all you can think about is making money?"

Just then Ronald reached out and lunged for me.

"Grandma, up."

I looked at the child, then at the call still on the line, and in the end I let out a sigh.

"Never mind. I won't go."

Only then did Sabina smile again and push the baby into my arms.

"I knew it. You can't bear to leave us."

I stood in the kitchen holding my grandson, breathing in the pork rib soup simmering on the stove for Judith, and let out a bitter laugh.

Who would have thought that in my own daughter's home, I couldn't even get one full meal.