Chapter 3

After Drew was discharged, he had to go to the children's rehabilitation center for regular feeding intervention.

The first session, he cried the moment the nipple touched his mouth.

The therapist showed me how to hold him.

I was so clumsy my arms went stiff.

The nurse smiled. "Take it slow, Dad."

I smiled too.

"I was never home before. Lots of catching up to do."

Before the third assessment, Marcella brought up the timing herself.

"I'll take the afternoon off."

I didn't say no.

She was visibly relieved.

"Don't always assume I don't care about anything."

One thirty in the afternoon, I got there first.

One fifty, she still hadn't come.

Two o'clock, she texted.

【On my way.】

The therapist pushed us back twenty minutes.

Drew was so hungry he started gnawing on his hand.

Two forty, still no sign of her.

I called. Someone picked up on the second try.

It was Jude.

It was loud in the background.

"Alfred."

"Where's Marcella?"

"Inside with Joy."

"Put her on."

A few seconds later, Marcella took the phone.

"Honey."

"I really was about to leave."

"Jude's parents came to Denver to see Joy for the first time today. The old folks don't know what's been going on these past few months, and they keep pulling me aside asking how to take care of the baby."

"And?"

"Joy's shy with strangers. The second I step away she cries."

She was talking fast.

"I'll stay a little longer. Once she warms up to her grandparents I'll go."

I glanced at the time.

"It's two forty-five."

"I know."

"The assessment started at two."

She was quiet for a few seconds, then her own temper flared.

"Alfred, I'm not playing around here!"

"Two grandparents are meeting their granddaughter for the first time. If I just dump the baby and walk out now, what are they going to think?"

I laughed.

"What are they going to think?"

"That it's strange my wife's been the one taking care of their granddaughter these past few months?"

"Or that you look more like this kid's mother than their own son does?"

"Do you have to be so cruel?"

Her voice shot up.

"There's nothing between me and Jude!"

"I didn't ask you that."

I looked at Drew, already starting to cry in my arms.

"I only asked you one thing. Are you coming or not?"

The line was silent for a long time.

Finally she said, "You go ahead and start."

I nodded.

"Fine."

The assessment took over an hour.

Drew threw up twice.

The second time it landed right on my jacket.

I was wiping his mouth when someone tagged me in the crew group chat.

Mike Lyons had posted a photo taken outside a hotel.

【Mr. Gilbert, who's that next to your wife?】

Jude stood in the middle holding Joy.

His parents flanked him on either side.

Marcella had been pulled in beside the old couple.

Her body was clearly leaning away, but frozen in the photo, they still looked like one family.

Someone in the chat asked, 【Who's the guy?】

The photo was pulled down fast.

I didn't say anything.

At nine that night, Marcella rushed in.

The moment she came through the door she asked, "Did you see the photo?"

"Yeah."

"It's not what you think."

"I know."

She froze.

I lowered my head and washed the bottle.

"The grandparents didn't know the situation, and Joy can't be without you."

I repeated back what she'd said that afternoon.

Marcella's face got worse and worse.

"Do you really have to put it like that?"

She set the cake down hard.

"I know I was late, and I'm trying to make up for it!"

"I came the second it was over. Can you stop acting like I'm out to kill Drew every single time?"

Her eyes were already red.

"You're gone all year. I got pregnant, gave birth, went through the whole recovery alone. Do you have any idea what that was like for me?"

"You come home for a few days, hold the baby, hand over some money, and think you've done everything!"

I listened in silence. She wasn't entirely wrong.

I was gone all year.

Late in her pregnancy she went to a lot of the checkups alone.

Two weeks after Drew was born, I was back up the mountain.

I asked her, "So you got tired, and you gave Drew away?"

Her lips trembled.

"I only—"

"You could have told me you couldn't handle it. You could have had me quit the project. You could have hired a nanny."

"You could have had my parents come."

I looked at her.

"You didn't say any of it."

"You just sent him away, and brought the other kid in."

She couldn't get another word out.

After a long moment, she pushed the cake toward me.

"I bought it for you."

I glanced down.

There was a card stuck to the box.

【Happy 100 Days, Joy.】

The color drained from Marcella's face.

"Wrong one."

She reached out to grab it back.

I closed the box first and handed it to her.

"It's fine."

She didn't take it.

"Alfred."

"If you're angry, yell at me."

"Don't be like this."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm a stranger."

I put the bottle into the sterilizer.

"Don't bring me food anymore."

"I'm sick of it."

Her tears spilled over.

"Sick of the cake, or sick of me?"

I didn't answer.

She threw the cake into the trash.

"Fine. Eat it or don't, I don't care."

At the door, she stopped for a couple of seconds.

Like she was waiting for me to call her back.

I kept my head down and wiped the water off the counter.

Until the door closed, I said nothing.