Chapter 2

At nine the next morning, Hugh came back.

The circles under his eyes were dark, his white shirt hopelessly wrinkled, but in his hand he carried a bowl of hot shrimp porridge.

"Zozo, I got you shrimp porridge."

He set the bowl on the dining table, then crossed the room quickly to pull me into a hug.

"You didn't sleep well last night, did you?"

I didn't push him away. But I didn't reach up to fix his collar the way I used to, either.

He looked down and saw the ring box on the coffee table, and the tension went out of his face.

"I knew it. You can't stay mad at me."

He reached for the ring, meaning to slide it onto my finger, and I drew my hand back.

Hugh stopped. "Still angry?"

I asked, "How's Marianne?"

He rubbed at the space between his brows.

"Sprained ligament in her ankle. Nothing serious."

"She's just been scared of the dark since she was little, and the hospital corridor kept going dark last night, so she held onto me the whole time and wouldn't let go."

He looked at me, his tone turning reproachful.

"Don't blame her."

"She didn't interrupt us on purpose."

I lifted my eyes to his.

"Hugh, did she interrupt us, or did you choose to walk out?"

His face darkened.

"Zoe, do you have to talk like that?"

"She got hurt. I went to take care of her. What's wrong with that?"

"You're my girlfriend. Can't you cut me a little slack?"

Cut him slack. Be understanding. Always the same thing. I looked down and picked up my bag.

"We're leaving for the cemetery at ten."

Hugh glanced at the time.

"Fine. I'll drive you."

We were halfway there when his phone rang again. Marianne again.

Hugh frowned and answered.

Her voice came through, weak and panicked.

"Hugh, I woke up and couldn't find you."

"The nurse wants me to go for scans, but it's so hard to manage on crutches by myself."

"I'm being a burden to you, aren't I?"

Hugh slammed his foot on the brake and pulled over to the side of the road.

The momentum threw me forward, and my forehead struck the glove box hard.

He didn't even glance at me. He just kept soothing the person on the phone.

"Don't cry, I'm coming right now."

"Wait for me in your room. Don't wander off."

I pressed a hand to my forehead and asked him, "What about the cemetery?"

Hugh was quiet for a moment.

"Let's go tomorrow instead."

"She was buried on this day." I stared at him, unblinking.

"If we go tomorrow, she won't blame you."

"But I'll blame you."

His face went fully cold, and he slapped the steering wheel in irritation.

"Zoe, can you stop being so unreasonable?"

"Mari's got a cast on her leg right now, with nobody to go through the exam with her."

"Your mother has been gone for years."

"Do you really have to pick a fight with a sick person at a time like this?"

I sat rigid in the passenger seat.

He knew perfectly well I was only nineteen the year my mother died.

At the end, she took his hand and begged him to look after me.

His eyes had gone red as he promised.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Whitman."

"I'll protect Zoe for the rest of my life."

So this was his protection. Stepping aside to make room for another woman.

Seeing that I wouldn't speak, Hugh softened his tone a little.

"Zozo, go on ahead by yourself for now."

"I'll take you to dinner tonight and make up for the memorial. All right?"

I didn't answer. I just pushed the door open and got out.

He sat in the car watching me for a while, probably assuming I would swallow my feelings and get over it on my own, the way I always had.

A moment later he hit the gas, and the tires kicked up the standing water on the road, splashing it across the cuffs of my pants.

I went to the cemetery alone. There were white chrysanthemums set before the headstone.

I crouched down and wiped the rain from her photo.

"Mom."

"I still haven't learned how to take care of myself."

By the time I came back from the cemetery, it was already dark.

Hugh wasn't home. There was a note on the dining table.

【Mari's running a fever tonight. I've gone to the hospital.】

【There's food in the fridge. Heat something up for yourself.】

I stood in front of the table a long time without moving.

Then my phone lit up with a message.

It was from Hugh.

【Where did you put the card with our wedding savings on it?】

【Mari needs to top up her hospital deposit and I'm short on cash right now. I'll just borrow thirty thousand for now.】

【I'll pay you back next month when I get my paycheck.】

I stared at those three lines. In my last life, it started exactly like this, with one "I'll just borrow" after another.

First the hospital deposit, then the imported medication, the surgery fees.

And in the end, the apartment my parents left me.

I typed my reply slowly. 【No.】

Hugh called almost instantly.

"Zoe, what's that supposed to mean?"

I said, "That's our wedding money."

"The wedding isn't tomorrow!"

"A person's life is on the line and you're still splitting things into yours and mine?"

"Hugh, it's a hurt ankle."

There were two seconds of silence on the other end. Then he spoke, holding down his temper.

"Zoe, when did you turn into this?"

"You used to be the kindest person I knew."

"Marianne has no family. If I don't help her, who will?"

I closed my eyes and said,

"You can help her."

"Just don't use my things to do it."

Hugh let out a cold laugh.

"Fine."

"So you've grown a spine now."

"I'll find the money myself. Don't come regretting it."

The line went dead. And I realized that even doing this all over again, his tone still had the power to hurt me.

That one line, you've changed, still made me wonder if I was being too heartless.

But I finally understood. I hadn't changed at all.

I just didn't want to be played by him anymore.