Chapter 3

I stared at that diagnosis.

And all at once I understood why, every time there was a fight, the one who ended up apologizing was always me.

Veronica snatched away the birthday gift I'd bought for Henry.

She said her depression had flared up, that she couldn't help herself when she saw something she liked.

Veronica forwarded my competition paper to other people.

She said she'd taken her meds and wasn't thinking clearly.

Veronica made a point of telling everyone at a party that I liked Henry, and I got teased about it the whole night.

She cried and said she was just so insecure, that she only wanted to be sure no one would abandon her.

Henry and the others always talked me down with the same lines.

"She's sick."

"Just let it go."

"You're so healthy. Why hold it against someone who's ill?"

Over time, that diagnosis of hers became a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Touching my things was fine.

Taking my friends was fine.

Tearing apart my life was fine too.

I looked at the four of them.

"When did you change them?"

Rupert cleared his throat.

"Yesterday."

"Weren't the normal channels closed?"

"Veronica's dad knows someone at the admissions counseling center. He got us a special review."

He said it lightly.

"Just a few extra documents. No big deal."

I opened the screenshot and zoomed in.

In the top right corner there was a small, easy-to-miss line of text.

Back-end re-entry.

Below it, the stated reason: Applicant experienced a sudden psychological episode; the initial submission did not reflect the applicant's true intent.

Four people.

Same reason.

Same time.

Even the formatting of the supporting documents was identical.

I looked up at Rupert.

"All four of you had a sudden psychological episode?"

Eustace got impatient.

"The paperwork went through, that's what matters. Why do you care so much?"

"Veronica's dad called in a lot of favors to get ours changed."

"You're not going to go running your mouth all over town just because we didn't go with you, are you?"

Veronica gripped her wine glass, her face going a little pale.

Henry finally stepped up to me.

"Barbara."

"I know we were wrong about this."

"But we didn't have a choice."

"The night Veronica heard we were going west, she cut her wrists."

"She said staying in the city alone would kill her."

"Were we supposed to just stand by and watch something happen to her?"

I looked at this boy who'd just agreed to be my boyfriend.

"So you lied to me instead?"

"Watched me apply out west, watched me sign the classified agreement, then quietly changed your applications back?"

Henry frowned.

"Don't make it sound so ugly."

"You chose your project yourself."

"The west is a good opportunity too."

"We really did plan to go with you at first. The situation just changed later."

I laughed.

"So agreeing to date me was just 'the situation changed' too?"

He went silent.

Veronica gently tugged at the hem of his shirt.

Henry didn't pull away.

Now I understood.

He didn't like me.

He'd just wanted to use a short little romance to coax me into going west willingly.

And once I was gone, he'd use the distance as an excuse to break it off.

So thoughtful.

Even selling me out, he was afraid I'd catch a chill on the road, so he draped a coat over me first.

I took a document out of my bag.

On the way here, my teacher had called to tell me the final security clearance had come through.

All that was left was the signature.

The Classified Training Program Enrollment Confirmation.

Henry's face changed.

"You haven't signed yet?"

"Barbara, don't do anything rash."

"You can reconsider and stay in the city. It's not like we have to be apart."

I looked at the hand he was reaching toward me, and suddenly laughed out loud.

"Henry, is something wrong with your head?"

"You didn't wear that face when you were tricking me into going west."

I uncapped my pen and signed my name, page after page.

Barbara Norris.

As the last stroke came down, I slid the document into an envelope.

"From this moment on, my application can't be withdrawn."

"Once I'm enrolled, my contact, my whereabouts, my research, all of it is classified."

"For the next ten years, you might not even know where I am."

Eustace sneered.

"Who are you trying to scare?"

"You think you're off to build nukes?"

"Ten years and nobody knows where you are? You think this is some spy movie?"

Laughter went around the room again.

I didn't explain.

I just forwarded the four screenshots from Veronica's phone to myself.

She reached out to grab it.

"What are you doing?"

"Keeping a souvenir."

I gave my phone a little wave.

"A souvenir of the earth-shattering love and friendship you five share."

Rupert's face darkened.

"Delete it."

"A special review involves personal privacy. You can't just spread it around."

I put my phone away.

"Don't worry."

"I won't spread it around."

"I'll only send it to the people who should see it."

The room went dead quiet in an instant.

Henry grabbed my wrist.

"Barbara Norris, what's that supposed to mean?"

I pried his fingers off, one by one.

"It doesn't mean anything."

"The four of you stay in the city with her, and I go west alone."

"But I can make sure not one of you four ever comes back."