Chapter 1

To use my cord blood to save my sister from leukemia, my mother decided to give birth to me.

But the day I was born, my sister couldn't hold on, and she died.

Shattered by grief, my mother blamed all of it on me.

She was about to strangle me when my father dropped to his knees and begged her, and only then was I allowed to live.

In this house, there were three things I was forbidden to do.

I couldn't wear floral dresses, I couldn't eat meat, and I couldn't be held.

Because the floral dress was my sister's favorite, and because she'd been too sick to ever eat meat.

On my fifth birthday, I wished over the candles for my mother to hold me just once.

She flipped the table over, her eyes red as she screamed at me.

"Your sister died right here in my arms. Do you want to make me relive that day? It's all your fault. Why couldn't you have been born sooner? Then your sister wouldn't have died!"

Then she covered her face and broke down sobbing.

My father helped her back to their room to calm her.

I stared at the ruined cake and stood there for a long time.

The next day, my father forgot to pick me up from preschool.

A strange woman walked up to me out of nowhere.

"Little one, I've got some yummy candy right here, so sweet. Come with me, all right?"

I tilted my head and thought about it for a while, then followed her.

Everyone always said my mother's life was so hard.

If I brought the candy home for her, maybe her days would taste a little sweeter.

.......

The woman walked very fast.

Seeing me struggle to keep up behind her, she reached out one hand and pulled me in against her.

"Come on, hurry. I've got so many good things to eat over there."

She half-held me against her.

The feel of it was a little off, but it was warm.

In this house, no one had ever held me.

Not long after I was born, my mother was busy arranging my sister's funeral, crying all day.

Never mind holding me, she wouldn't even nurse me.

My father couldn't stand it, so he hired a nanny to take care of me.

I was left alone in a room, and every day I opened my eyes to the same pale white ceiling.

My father came to see me now and then.

Every time he watched me, there was something in his eyes I couldn't understand.

"Sophie, I know no one is really to blame for this. But if you had just been born one day earlier, your mother and I wouldn't be suffering like this."

I'd grown up, but I still didn't understand what those words meant.

No one was happy that I'd been born.

But today, I had a chance to make my mother a little happier.

"I've never seen you come pick up Sophie before. You're not a bad person, are you?"

A classmate of mine, a girl I got along with, turned to look at the woman and stopped, studying her curiously.

The woman let out a quick laugh.

"What a thing to say. How could I be a bad person?"

That was what she said, but her steps only got faster.

Something came back to me then.

"Ma'am, where's the candy you were talking about?"

She paused, then dug out two pieces of candy and pushed them into my hand.

"Have these for now. I've got a lot more candy in my car. Come on, get in."

I stared at the candy in my hand, wrapped in its glittering wrapper, and swallowed.

In all my life, I'd never eaten candy.

Because my sister never had, I wasn't allowed to either.

Last New Year, my grandmother came to visit with my little cousin.

A few crumbs of the candy he was eating fell to the floor, and I crouched down and licked at them.

It was a sweetness I'd never known before.

I quickly tore off the wrapper and popped it into my mouth, and I couldn't help but smile.

It was so sweet. If my mother tasted it, surely she'd feel a little happier too?

Maybe today she'd even hold me.

The woman opened the door of the car parked at the curb.

I was just about to climb in when I saw two men sitting in the front passenger side.

They stared at me stone-faced, and for no reason I could name, my heart lurched.

Those eyes. They looked like the monsters in the cartoons that wanted to eat the monk.

"Ma'am, one piece of candy is enough for me. I'm going to go now..."

Before they could react, I bolted, running into an alley.

I ran and ran until I lost all sense of direction, and finally I found a public phone booth.

I held the phone in my hand, but I hesitated.

At this hour every day, my mother would be in my sister's room.

She'd hold my sister's memorial portrait and talk to her, and as she talked, the tears would come.

My mother wouldn't let anyone disturb this time she spent with my sister.

Last winter, my fever spiked to a hundred and four.

My father happened to be working late, and after a full day and night burning up, I dragged myself over and knocked on my sister's door.

"Mom, I... I don't feel good..."

I knocked for a long time before my mother finally opened the door.

"Who told you to knock on this door? Your sister is dead, I just want to talk to her for a while, and you still have to come bother me? Are you doing this on purpose?!"

She didn't see my face, flushed red with fever. She slammed the door shut with all her strength.

From that day on, I never dared disturb my mother at that hour again.

But thinking back to those two men in the car with their bad intentions, I hesitated, and then I dialed my mother's number anyway.

When it connected, I'd barely started to speak.

"Mom, I..."

Something yanked hard at my scalp, and a huge force dragged me backward.

"You little brat, you can run fast, can't you!"

The woman cursed at me viciously.

"Get in the car right now!"

I screamed until my voice broke, thrashing with everything I had.

My mother's angry, irritated voice came through the phone.

"Sophie Barrett, what are you doing? Didn't I tell you never to bother me at this hour?"

I cried out without thinking.

"Mom, help———"

"Bother me while I'm talking to your sister again, and you might as well be dead!"

In that moment, my heart clenched with a sudden, wrenching pain, so bad I couldn't get the words out.

The woman had me in a death grip.

"Move!"

A car came tearing around the corner.

There was a shriek of brakes, and I was thrown high into the air.

In that instant my body went weightless, and I closed my eyes forever.