Chapter 3

The drive home was so quiet it pressed down on me.

Frederick parked the car below the building but left the engine running.

"After the baby's born, can you help me take care of it for a while?"

I thought I'd misheard.

He rested his hands on the steering wheel.

"Geraldine might not hold up well after the birth, and the Gilbert family needs a mother who's recognized. You're more suited to it than she is."

I turned my head to look at him, slowly.

"Frederick, do you see me as your wife, or as a tool to clean up after the two of you?"

Anger surfaced in his eyes.

"Do you have to make your situation sound so pathetic? You're Mrs. Gilbert, with more money than you could spend in a lifetime. When have I ever shortchanged you?"

I pushed open the car door.

"You put a diamond collar on a dog, then kick over its food bowl, and the dog's supposed to kneel down and be grateful?"

He got out and came after me, gripping my wrist.

"Josephine, don't throw away a good thing when you've got it!"

I shook him off.

"Get your filthy hands off me. You make me sick."

His hand froze in midair.

Before the elevator doors closed, I saw him standing there, his face gone ice cold.

But I wasn't afraid of him anymore, not even a little.

I was only afraid that if I looked at him one more time, I'd remember the Frederick who used to tuck my hands into his coat pockets in winter.

My mother came to the apartment on the third day.

She was carrying a thermal container, and her first words through the door weren't to ask if I'd slept well.

"Gerry hasn't been able to eat these past two days, so I made some soup. You're close to the hospital here, so I dropped it off on the way. Have the driver take it over in a bit."

I pushed the container back at her.

"Take it yourself."

My mother's face fell.

"Josie, don't be so petty. Gerry's pregnant, she's got a craving for soup I made. How can I not look after her?"

"Is her own mother dead?"

My mother flared up.

"Josephine, how can you say something so vicious? Gerry's been a good girl since she was little, and she hasn't had it easy either. Now you're living comfortably as a rich man's wife. What more could you want?"

I stared at the jade bracelet on her wrist.

It was the birthday present Frederick had given her last year, the one she'd shown off in front of the relatives for so long.

"Mom, are you afraid that if I get divorced, you won't be able to wear the jewelry Frederick gave you and play the grand lady in front of the relatives anymore?"

Her face turned ugly, but she wouldn't back down.

"Isn't this all for you? If you divorce, how's a woman like you supposed to get by? Your body's the way it is. What if you can never get pregnant again? Who's going to truly want you then?"

That line caught me completely off guard.

I thought I'd been hurt enough already. It turned out my own mother knew best where to twist the knife.

Howard came by in the evening, carrying fruit, and dropped onto the couch the second he walked in.

"Sis, Mom said you looked really bad today."

I ignored him.

He rubbed his hands together.

"Sis, can't we be realistic about this? A man with Frederick's kind of standing, where are you going to find that again if you divorce? Besides, he never said he didn't want you. He's even letting you raise the kid, so your position in the Gilbert family will only get more solid."

"Howard, are you afraid I'll lose my position, or afraid you'll lose your brother-in-law backing you up?"

His face flushed red.

"Don't think I'm that bad. Frederick set me up with a job and gave me some face, and that was for your sake too. If the two of you really fall out, what am I supposed to do after that?"

I laughed out loud. This time it was a real laugh.

"So you've finally told the truth."

Humiliated into a rage, he stood up.

"Josephine, don't be so precious about it. What rich man doesn't fool around a little? Frederick's willing to give you the kid, that's already plenty of respect for you."

I picked up the water glass on the table and threw the water in his face.

"Get out."

Howard wiped his face and, furious, kicked the coffee table.

"Fine, keep making a scene, and see who can't take it in the end. When Frederick gets sick of you and Gerry moves in with the kid, you won't even have a place to cry."

He slammed the door on his way out.

Frederick came home that night.

He set a document down in front of me.

"The Gilbert family has talked it over. After the baby's born, it'll be brought back to the Gilbert household. Sign this guardianship consent form, and I'll have someone handle the paperwork."

I opened to the first page. In the space for the guardian, the name Josephine Swanson was already printed.

I looked up at him.

"You even picked out the spot for my signature?"

"Josephine, this is best for everyone."

"How is it best for me?"

He was silent for a moment.

"Haven't you always wanted to be a mother?"

I threw the document in his face, the pages scattering across the floor.

"Wanting to be a mother doesn't mean I want to raise the bastard you had with Geraldine."

Frederick bent down and picked up the papers, his movements still unhurried.

The more composed he was, the more I wanted to tear that calm right off his face.

"Josephine, you're not in a stable state right now. Once you calm down, you'll see this arrangement is the safest way."

"Safe enough that the two of you sleep together, get pregnant, have the baby, and I still have to smile and carry it home?"

His face went cold.

"Don't put it so crudely."

I walked up to him, one step at a time.

"Frederick, is it the words that are crude, or what the two of you did?"

His phone rang again. Geraldine's name flashed on the screen.

He answered, and she was crying in broken pieces.

"Frederick, my mother came over. She called me shameless, and my stomach hurts a little…"

Frederick immediately grabbed his coat.

I stood in the doorway, blocking his path.

"If you dare walk out today, we're getting divorced."

His hand paused on his cufflink.

"Josephine, she's carrying a child."

I pointed at myself.

"I carried one once, too."

He avoided my eyes and went around me, out the door.

The moment it closed, I heard something inside me cave in.