Chapter 4

The room went dead silent in an instant.

Silent enough to hear each other breathe.

Then she thumped me hard on the back.

"Antony, are you out of your mind?"

"It's such a small thing."

"And you're talking to me about divorce?"

She seemed furious.

Angrier than I was, she slammed the door and walked out.

Bang.

The door shut.

The whole apartment shook with it.

Alone in the dark, all I could see in front of me was a black, bottomless pit.

I couldn't sleep the whole night.

The next day I got up with dark circles under my eyes.

The table was already set with a generous spread of breakfast.

The thing I could never forget was her cooking.

When we first met, that was what drew me in.

Every day she would carefully make me all kinds of fancy pastries, dishes in every flavor.

Each one made with care, always something a little different.

The same dish would come out in a new, refined way each time.

Back then, in my heart, this was the best food in the world.

It all changed a year ago.

A year ago, she suddenly said she had to go abroad for work, sent by her company, for a year, and when she got back she'd get a promotion and a raise.

At the same time, I happened to be posted away too, for my own company's business.

That whole year, we mostly talked over video.

A few times I missed her so much I wanted, on impulse, to go find her.

But every time I brought it up, she refused, firmly.

Every time, she told me to wait a little longer.

It's only now that I understand.

That whole year, she was carrying a child for someone else!

Viola seemed to have completely forgotten what I'd said the night before. She smiled at me.

"Go wash up, then come eat breakfast."

I looked again at the beautiful breakfast on the table.

This used to be my happiest moment.

My proudest moment, too.

But now, looking at those breakfast dishes she'd arranged so prettily, I had no appetite at all.

I said nothing and went to wash up.

Brushing my teeth, I saw in the mirror Viola come up behind me.

She wrapped her arms around me and leaned against my back.

"I know you can't accept this right away."

"But you can't say divorce."

"You promised me. To love me a lifetime, to love me fiercely, to love me for lifetime after lifetime."

"A man's word is worth its weight. You wouldn't go back on your own word, would you?"

Every time she used to hold me like this.

It warmed something in my chest.

But now, my whole body crawled with goosebumps.

I finished brushing my teeth quickly and washed my face.

Then I pushed her off.

"I'm going to be late for work."

I grabbed my bag and left fast.

Shutting the door, I glanced back at her.

She looked wronged.

But what did she have to feel wronged about?

She cheated, and now she was the injured party?

I was distracted at work all day.

I made a mistake and got called into the boss's office over it.

At lunch, eating, I scrolled onto someone's post on social media.

【My husband and I had a childfree marriage for seven years, and now I've had a baby for my childhood friend. My husband found out and wants a divorce. What should I do?】

The comments underneath were lively. Some sided with her.

"Since it's a childfree marriage, that means the two of you were never going to have kids in this life, so having a baby for your childhood friend, giving him something to remember, that's perfectly reasonable, isn't it? If your husband can't even let this go, he doesn't love you at all."

"The comment above is right, men are all unreliable. What's wrong with having a baby for your childhood friend? The womb belongs to us women. Don't we even get to decide what to do with our own bodies?"

"Support you. A man like that isn't worth loving."

But the voices against her seemed a little louder.

"You wanted a childfree marriage, so why have a kid at all? And a kid for a man who isn't even your husband. Don't you think there's something seriously wrong with you?"

"Exactly, you're playing favorites, aren't you? Your husband has to stay childfree with you, but your childhood friend gets to have you bear his kid?"

"The key thing is, you didn't have a child with your husband. If you'd had one with him and then given it to your childhood friend, that could be accepted. But you're married, and you went and had a child with a man outside the marriage. What is that supposed to be?"

"This is cheating! And you have the nerve to post about it here? No shame at all?"

"Let me put it bluntly, behavior like yours means you've thrown your face away completely! Any man would divorce you!"

"This can actually trend? It's an insult to my eyes."

Soon the people cursing her grew, and took over.

More and more criticism came pouring in.

The poster deleted the post.

I clicked into her profile.

I scrolled through what she'd written before.

【My childhood friend asked me to have a baby for him. What should I do?】

【We were going to do it with medical insemination, but my childhood friend said that's bad for the body.】

【I'm pregnant. It's my childhood friend's. How do I explain this to my husband?】

【So much pressure. My husband video-calls me every day, and I'm terrified my lie will be exposed.】

【Finally had the baby. It's a boy.】

【So annoying, my milk keeps coming in. My husband asked why my top was wet. Good thing he doesn't understand any of it.】

【My childhood friend wants me to marry him. No way. I want the childfree life.】

【My husband is so good. I really do love my husband most after all.】

Reading these.

Every single line made my heart bleed.

I had no mind left for work, so I took a half day off.

That afternoon, I went alone to the park where she and I used to walk.

Watching the couples strolling in the park.

Especially the families of three, out with their kids.

Something in my chest went tight and choked.

Just as I was about to leave, Jack came into view holding the baby, with Viola.

It felt like my heart skipped half a beat.

At the same moment, Viola saw me too.

I turned to leave.

But Viola came running after me and blocked my way.

I'd thought she was going to apologize.

Instead she said to me, as if it were the most natural thing in the world,

"Antony, no matter what, you're my husband. You can't dodge this."

"Since it's already happened, you should face it calmly."

"Come see mine and Jack's baby, won't you?"

"He's really adorable. Don't you love kids the most? How about you be his godfather from now on?"