Chapter 1

1: 1

Mom loved to look you in the eye and lie.

When she wanted me to give my air-conditioned room to my sister, she pointed at the ninety-five-degree glare outside and smiled, gentle as anything.

"The weather's so nice you won't even need the AC. Switch rooms with your sister."

If I took one extra bite of pot roast, she'd knock the fork out of my hand.

"That meat's gone bad, it'll give you the runs. Your sister's been constipated lately, let her have it."

It went on like that for a long time.

Until today, when I came home from the hospital and ran into a door-to-door salesman.

Mom pointed at me in the doorway, her face pinched with irritation.

"A gym membership? My daughter's got lung cancer, she'll be dead next month. I doubt she'll need it."

The salesman and I both froze where we stood.

It wasn't until he left, apology written all over his face, that I finally came back to myself.

"Mom, why would you say that?"

"I was just getting rid of her. It's not like you're actually dying. Why make a fuss over nothing?"

She pursed her lips, then added, feigning offhandedness,

"Your sister's been going on about studying abroad, but we don't quite have the money for it. You've been working all these years. You must have a decent bit saved up by now."

It hit me all at once. All those years of lying straight to people's faces, she'd done it for my sister.

But Mom didn't know that this time, her words had come true.

I really was going to die.

......

The bag clenched in my hand held a medical report.

I'd picked it up from the hospital today.

It was supposed to be an ordinary company health screening. I never expected that when I finished, the department head would stop me.

"Late-stage lung cancer. Our advice is to talk it through with your family and do the things you've always wanted to do."

Which was another way of saying I had no time left.

The whole walk home I'd been trying to think how to tell Mom in a way that wouldn't hurt her too much.

I never imagined her own words would come true first.

"Say something. Did work turn you stupid? Let me tell you, she's the only sister you'll ever have. You have to help her."

When I stayed quiet, Mom's brow creased slightly.

Head down, I stared at the mud flecks that had somehow gotten on the toes of my shoes, and it took me a long moment to find my voice.

"How much?"

Mom took it as a yes, and a smile broke across her face at once.

"Don't worry, I won't make you cover it all on your own. Three hundred thousand from you should about do it."

I frowned the moment I heard it.

"Three hundred thousand? I've only been working three years. Where would I get that kind of money?"

Her face darkened, and she threw the rag in her hand onto the table.

"That's not much at all. Look at Mrs. Chen's daughter next door, she's barely been working any time and she's already clearing ten grand a month. And you? You—"

The front door swung open and my sister strode in.

"Mom, I'm starving. Is dinner ready?"

Mom scrambled to plaster on a smile, bending down to hand over her slippers.

"Bite your tongue, don't talk about dying, it's bad luck."

"Just a little longer, dinner's almost done."

Five minutes later, the whole spread of dishes had been pushed over to my sister's side of the table.

"You said last time you wanted braised barbecue ribs, so I got up early today just to go to the farmers' market on the west side of town. Go on, try them."

Mom kept piling food into my sister's bowl.

After a few bites, my sister finally noticed I was still just sitting there smiling, and she blinked at me, curious.

"Sis, why aren't you eating?"

Before I could answer, Mom cut in.

"Your sister's on a diet. Don't mind her."

Mom was lying to our faces again.

To anyone looking in, you'd never guess we were sisters.

I was small and thin, my hair the dry, yellowed brown of someone who'd never had enough of anything, out of breath after a few flights of stairs.

My sister had thick black hair and a fair, rosy complexion, and though she was five years younger, she stood a full head taller than me.

Mom had raised her well.

I glanced at the food on the table and said flatly,

"I don't have much of an appetite. You eat."

Mom shot me a quick look.

The look said, you're such a good girl, you know to leave things for your sister.

After dinner, Mom pushed my sister away when she went to do the dishes, and cleared her throat softly.

"Oh, right. Your sister says she'll cover the cost of your studying abroad."

My sister's eyes went wide, and she threw herself at me, wrapping me in a hug.

"Really, Sis? You're the best!"

"I'll buy you an iced latte, only a third of the sugar so you won't gain weight. I swear I'll wait on you hand and foot, boohoo, my wonderful big sister!"

Her hug was warm, eager and genuine, like a little pet's.

I lowered my head and let out a bitter laugh.

Of all things, my sister was good to me too.

Which left me nowhere to put all the hurt those years of unfairness had built up.

It jammed up in my chest, growing worse and worse, until in the end there was no fixing it.

Not that it mattered. I wasn't going to live anyway.

I pulled out my phone and checked the balance in my account.

One hundred five thousand six hundred forty-two dollars and ninety cents.

I paused, then transferred every last cent into her account, keeping nothing for myself.

"This is all I have. There's no more."